nothing else but my heart's desire [COLLECTION] | FINISHED

The sun will shine again - ORIGINAL PROSE

I used to listen to the same songs over and over again, relishing the feeling of something new. I listen to those same songs, now it too brings only emptiness. I'm not sure what I feel most days, but I know I must move and push back against this wave of sadness my life tends to bring when I think too much. Think too much, think too little, numb the pain or drown in sorrows, its all the same when I fall asleep and struggle to stay sound in my bed, thrashing this way and that, turning from side to side to find comfort in the few hours where I'm not conscious enough to worry. But even as I sleep, it'll all be for nought as I still find ways to conceptualise worries and fears in monsters, ghouls, all with faces long since seared into my brain. Sometimes I wake, sometimes I scream, but it all remains the same: I am left wanting to scream and shout into a mirror, wondering why I fell headfirst into disaster at each turn. But those faces are not here anymore, and so I take a moment to breathe, for I must remind myself to do so, to close my eyes and find peace post chaos, to find hope when sun doesnt shine, and to find comfort in the dark as my demons come out to play. They may taunt, they may wish to upset me, but one day I hope to offer them a seat beside me and see them for who they are: pieces of me, fragments of my sanity broken, hurting, each scarred by things, events, people long committed to memory, yet no longer here. I hope they show me themselves and no longer feel the urge to strike me down, to commit to a cycle of self-inflicted pain and anger towards the world. The sun will shine again, and the world is a beautiful mess; I have a piece of it beating in my chest.