nothing else but my heart's desire [COLLECTION] | FINISHED

A life of leaving - ORIGINAL PROSE

A lifetime spent wondering how, what and why, as I grow and learn, as I lean on the outside world for support from within. A lifetime spent searching, looking for meaning in the unexplainable, as I come to realise nothing fits and the world is too wide, too large, too vast to be contained in the four corners of my hometown, in the small minds of the locals, whose faces have remained unchangeable for twenty years or more. A lifetime spent finding what had been lost, all those years ago, only to lose so much more, as pieces of myself are chipped away, little by little, until nothing and everything remains. A lifetime spent leaving, as I pack my bags and head for distant shores, leaving behind the woes of a lifetime's worth of pain, stress and misery, of remaining where I am, of never moving and always on the move, of feeling altogether far too much for those around me to bear, and not feeling enough as the red ties around my heart are severed, one tangled knot at a time.

They left, they're leaving, they will always leave, yet here I shall always be, as these tangled knots remain intertwined with that of those which have left me for that which I cannot say, but appears so much more giving, brighter, caring, bolder, full of life in all the best ways. They always leave, this is a life full of leaving, and I have become so accustom to living a life of solitude, for that is all I can rely on and all I have ever known.

My life has been so different to what I have always known, as I find myself leaning on he who has always been there, since that first day, as he lifts me up, as I lift him up, as I smile as he does, as we laugh, as we cry, as we talk about all the things I had always wished to discuss, to share my innermost secrets. Life is as sweet as sugar, with a hint of spice, with the peace I had always searched for, as I hoped to live when I was younger, as I had always wished to see in the adults who raised me, who taught me love is conditional, in all the worst ways possible.