nothing else but my heart's desire [COLLECTION] | FINISHED

The weight of words - ORIGINAL PROSE

Finding who I am, as pieces of me remain scattered through time, as I linger in the present with no sense of direction or purpose, all to the point of sinking as I struggle to find the will, the drive to kick and scream, as all I find myself doing is opening my mouth to find water, so much water, filling my lungs. I drown in vices, I drown in my problems, I still fight to speak, all over the many other voices all hoping to be heard, it's no wonder hardly anyone can hear me over the noise. So I retreat to childhood, all as the only way I can function, back to the happy memories, though they were few and far between. And now, I struggle to find my way back to the things I once loved, as words, so many and yet so terribly few, escape me, fly away from me, as I hope beyond all doubt that things will change, that I will find room in the shadowy gaze of the crown shyness above, to grow and grow and grow, stretching far above the branches which cradle me, as I find such a gentle touch only seeks to comfort me in the terrifying ascent beyond that which loved and hated me in all equal parts. I'm tired, I have little chances to amend and few ways to find that which makes life blossom, but still I search, for it is my only way. And now, I lie here, as those same words flow through the air, carving out the space with their heaviness, as melodies form in the bleak emptiness and lyrics are crafted to form a beautiful symphony of pain and beauty, I only wish those words could be held, were as tangible as the beat of my heart and the sadness which I carry in my chest, on my shoulders, in every cell in my body, so heavy it shall always feel, as it always remains, as my mind allows me to forget, only to be reminded of such loneliness - it is my closest companion. Words I write here, they hold the weight of anger and hopelessness, and though I see only the blurred vision of ink to paper, as such distorted images linger for a moment, then fade away, the weight of the oppressive force still remains - it is my worst enemy, and it looks just like me.