nothing else but my heart's desire [COLLECTION] | FINISHED

Things I Can't Change - ORIGINAL POEM

Accepting the things I can't change,

I long since wondered why I can't let go,

I wonder still why my chest feels heavy,

And why each side of the fence looks greener still, smelling sweet and freshly mowed,

I have wondered also why I shake in my sleep and my dreams haunt me,

And why I have this ache in my heart that lingers for far too long,

I always seem to be washing dishes and hear crying in the background,

Wondering again and again why, despite the repetition, it all still feels so wrong,

I have also wondered, when I should be sleeping through the night,

Why I can't find people to love and to be loved in return,

And why my mother always seems to look at me as though she wishes we could trade lives,

Only for her to belittle, to push me down further, with each word hurtful, a scar, a burn,

I write here and I record how it made me feel,

Hoping to find change I could not manufacture then,

The pain of the past still lingers in my heart,

With the words having made their mark on my body and mind, still hoping for me my ear to lend,

In times of desperation and hardship, as my tormentors sink lower and lower in their own sadness,

Why should I remain when all that lingers around me is the pain of the past,

Finding that others wish to make amends and bury the hatchet once and for all,

Why should I lend my ear still to excuses and lies, to pain as it drags me down lower and lower, quick, strong, beneath the waves fast,

When the past still remains in the present, and I find each day I cannot let go of what was, while it still remains what is.