nothing else but my heart's desire [COLLECTION] | FINISHED

ABCs of Anxiety - ORIGINAL POEM

Anxious as a state of mind, lost in a feeling incomprehensible, all alone I feel,

Because nothing stops time, slipping through my fingers, past me like a breeze, as it flows,

Curiosity as a way to sit further with such feelings, to listen, to know, feel what must be felt,

Don't wander too far, down the dark tunnel, as you turn to face your woes,

Even as you sit there, to understand yourself in ways only you know, to ponder moreover,

Fears gripping your insides, twisting you inside out, breaking minds, restless I still feel,

Gone were the days of losing yourself in the mundane, trivial, of thoughtful bliss,

However doubtful it feels now, I still wonder if, at all, it was ever tangible or real,

In the moments where all I wish to do is fall and never stop falling,

Just to sink further and further into a feeling of loss I can never quite explain,

Kill or be killed, life on the edge, as though I'm a moment away from being dragged away,

Let me rest for a moment more, just to fall again back against hail and rain,

Moments lost never to be regained, to simply begin to process of falling each, every day,

Nothing lost but a sense of self never to be regained, the mirror no longer resembles me,

On the off-chance I feel like myself, it slips through me like a ghost, like petals in the rain,

Ponder and realise what is/never was , fighting to control what little they have left to be,

Question what it means to be alive, as the mirror only seeks to stare back in its blankness,

Resembling a person's portrait, lost in their mind, too lived in their body, too here, too far,

Sombre is the state of mind, for the person too anxious to live, too fearful to die,

Too understanding, yet too stuck to shift, to adapt, to venture out, all to lift the bar,

Understand what it means to be alive, understand what it means to live and love,

Venture out all the same, as my insides turn to liquid and the tears flow like rivers,

Win the game of life as a means to adapt, to strife for better, to move beyond,

X to end a letter or a word, to send out with love as it spills itself from hearts and livers,

Young at heart, of mind and body, yet still fighting against the nature of comfort, of habit,

Zip close a jacket as I take the first steps into a new life, my anxiety still gripping me tight.