nothing else but my heart's desire [COLLECTION] | FINISHED

In my pain, I love you - ORIGINAL POEM

I've written so much about you, its like you're still here, I see you in my dreams and I feel you in the air. You likely never think of me, and that brings me to tears, because you're all I ever wanted and all I wish to be near. I sense nothing can change what has been broken or torn, so much so I cant discard the old sweater you loved I had worn. I find myself wondering about all it could've been, if you had let me in your heart made of iron and tin. I hate how much I feel like a stranger you never knew, when you're all I think about from noon to noon. The last time we ever saw each other, it plays on my mind, how I felt so empty, in that moment, yet on some intoxicating rush, an inescapable high. It left me broken more than I ever thought it could be, and yet all I wish is for you to be here with me. I wish things could've went a different way, and maybe give you a better reason to want to stay. But here I find myself, as I sit here alone, with thoughts of you, all with a much different tone. For I felt so hurt and angry, yet all I feel is loss, for now I see it meant nothing at all, as to the wayside my feelings, my heart, my life were tossed. It means nothing if such words hold little weight, for your actions showed nothing but disregard, with only indifference, not even hate. But still, my heart waits and waits with no expectation of change, as it relives those months and months of anguish, of loving you in moments of prolonged pain. It searches for you in crowded rooms, in empty spaces in my memory which now fades, so here I am, hoping to document it all on page after page. As my self begins to fall apart, piece by piece, I hope my words paint a picture of love in all its beauty and ugliness, of loving you in madness, joy, loneliness and peace.