nothing else but my heart's desire [COLLECTION] | FINISHED

Angie's Got A Secret - PLAY EXCERPT

Angie sat in her room, like she did most days, unsure of herself, not wishing to step out of those four walls which separated comfort and discomfort, acting as a boundary between what is known and unknown. As long as she stayed in bed, as long as she was asleep, nothing could change and nothing could hurt her.

ANGIE: [sighs, then groans in frustration] Why does this have to be so hard?

She couldnt bring herself to say the thing that was on her mind, knowing full well the walls of her home were paper thin. She looked around her room, and took in the telltale signs of girlhood, a particular kind of girlhood, all around her: posters of her favourite female celebrities, musicians and other artists she admired, with books, plentiful, stacked carelessly around the room, of feminist literature, along with her ripped jeans, flannel shirts and other comfortable, gender neutral clothing. Getting up from her bed, she turned her attention to her CD player, beside which a small stack of discs remained; she picked up a case worn, with the hinge on one side broken after years of use, before putting on a song from a band she had been a fan of for many a year, PVRIS. Though nothing special to others, she danced around the room in time to the melody, losing herself in the lyrics of hypocrisy and pride.

ANGIE: [singing softly] I know that when you sit and pray, you're only praying for keeps...

Mother's footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs, stopping just outside the door.

MOTHER: [knocks on door] Dinner will be ready soon, be downstairs in five

A pause follows, Angie doesnt answer; the silence hangs in the air like a secret, always there, yet never spoken of. Mother knocks again.

MOTHER: Angie, I know you can hear me, don't make me repeat myself. Turn that off and come downstairs.

ANGIE: [clears throat] Sorry, was just cleaning. Will be down in a bit.

It didnt sound believable to her own ears, but Mother turned on her heel and went back to the kitchen. The smell of her rich, meaty casserole met her nostrils, and she felt her uneasiness subside, at least for a moment. Angie sighed and opened her bedroom door, taking a moment to steady her nerves, before heading downstairs, greeting portraits of family members dead and alive, like always, as she did so.

ANGIE: [mutters quietly] Do or die, man.

Angie felt nervous, especially as the familiar sights and sounds of her childhood home met her as she headed downstairs to Mother's kitchen, an action she may be doing for the very last time, if she was met with a negative reaction to her most recent news she was about to tell Mother. She fidgeted with her fingers as she did so, unsure if she should quicken her step to get it over with, or slow her pace to live in that moment, the very last, where all was still as it had always been.

MOTHER: [humming to herself] Take a seat, you'll love this, I got this meat for a good deal too. I swear, Ang, prices are going up like you wouldn't believe! I blame the government, wasn't like it was back in my day, I remember when...

Angie took a seat at the kitchen table, as Mother rambled on and she listened, thankful her mother was taking the wheel conversationally, though she found it difficult to relax. Her leg began to bounce on her toes with nervous apprehension, as she bit her lip, waiting for the moment to pass, hoping she didnt have to say when needed to be said.

Mother served up dinner, and sat down beside her daughter, rather than across the table as usual; from this angle, the similarities between mother and daughter were even more striking.

MOTHER: [softly, touching Angie's hand affectionately] How are you though, love? How's Angie?

ANGIE: [voice breaking] I- I'm fine, mum, I-

It was involuntary, it was unexpected, but the tears came quickly, suddenly, and Angie had no time to compose herself, all from the simple action. Quickly, also, Mother pulled her into an embrace and soothed her, and as much as she allowed Mother to comfort her, though the older counterpart didnt know why, Angie pulled back, digging into her jean pocket for a leaflet she had picked up at the community centre she had hoped would break the ice.

MOTHER: [looking over leaflet briefly] What's this about? Is this why you're upset?

ANGIE: [shaking head, sniffling, as she wipes away tears] Um... I don't know. [clears throat]

MOTHER: [looks up at Angie, then back at leaflet, scanning over words 'LGBT' and 'Support'] Does this tell me what's going on?

ANGIE: I- I guess so.

MOTHER: [placing leaflet aside] Is it something to do with your personality?

ANGIE: [nods, as eyes begin to well up once more]

MOTHER: Are you gay?

ANGIE: [nods again, as tears start to fall and she sobs, harder and stronger cries of distress and worry]

MOTHER: [pulls her into a hug once more] Oh honey, I knew you were. Its okay, shush, I got you.

ANGIE: [cries] I'm sorry, mum, I'm sorry.

MOTHER: Don't be sorry, silly. You can tell me anything. I knew, I just didn't wanna say anything till you told me, in your own time.

Mother pulled back from the embrace, once her daughter had calmed down and her cries finally ceased. She held her daughter's face in her hands momentarily, as she smiled and took Angie's hands in her own, planting a firm kiss to her knuckles. Angie dried her eyes, but the action threatened to spark a fresh round of tears to fall, though she breathed in and out deeply, fearing it would prevent her from speaking as candidly as she had hoped. She recalled moments spent agonising over such details in her room and pressed on.

MOTHER: All I ever wanted for you, love, was for you to be happy, to have your own family and live life on your terms. I never wanted you to have a hard time, some aren't very nice about that kind of stuff.

ANGIE: [nods, before reaching to bring Mother's attention back to the leaflet, clearing her throat]: These meetings help, this-... this is what I go to on Wednesday evenings after school at the community centre.

Mother took it in hand, and noticed the words 'Family welcome!' at the bottom in bold, bright letters.

MOTHER: Would you like me to go with you, love?

Angie nodded slowly, clearing her throat and blowing her nose into a tissue from a box kept on the kitchen table, as was Mother's way: neat, tidy, accommodating and prepared. Mother gave her daughter's hand a squeeze, as she smiled, to reassure Angie she always had her support, no matter what.

MOTHER: Have you told your friends? Who has supported you through this?

ANGIE: The- the support group helps, there's parents there who offered great advice. I'm not sure how to tell my friends though... I wasn't even sure how to-

The words didnt need to be said, nor did she think she could say them, as she felt her eyes begin to well up once more, though she did her best to swallow them down, to keep her head from spinning and the years of secrecy to pour from her heart.

MOTHER: We'll find a way to tell them, don't worry about that.

The 'we' held such power, such potency, and it soothed the rough texture of her heart, as Angie felt an immense weight she hadnt even known she was carrying lifted from her shoulders.

MOTHER: Now, I think our food has grown cold from all this chatter. How about you and I get ourselves a pizza, some ice cream and pick out a film to watch? Your pick, except one of those horrors you like, I'm no good with scares.

ANGIE: [laughs] And no rom-coms, I can't handle the cheesy romance of it all!

MOTHER: Hey missy, those "cheesy" films were a staple of my youth, I won't have you bad-mouth them!

[end scene]