nothing else but my heart's desire [COLLECTION] | FINISHED

I still look for you in the dark - ORIGINAL PROSE

I still look for you when I cross the street, looking both ways, hoping to catch your reflection in the rearview mirror. I still look for you in the faces I pass by, hoping you'll catch my eye and never look away. I still look for you when I periodically look back at doorways, as people, nameless strangers, fill in one after another, but even if you were to walk through and smile at me the way you used to, I know the one I still look for is no longer there, was never there, only a fantasy my mind clung to. I want tangible, I want real, your touch only brings with it coldness, sadness, resentment and regret. Why cant you be the one I knew then? Why cant you read what I wish to scream and shout in the loudest of voices, written so plainly across my face? I still look for you in the words I read back to myself each night, like a bedtime story, a fairytale of a princess saved by a majestic prince, of a frog kissed and a beast slain, all in the name of happy endings. But it will never be, and here I cry, never really knowing why; its hard to set down feelings of disappointment, hanging over my head like a blade, anxiously waiting until the end of the time for resolve, for courage, for anger to boil over, for an ending yet to be written. I remember it all. I remember it and I can't let go, and that's why I'll always look for you, nameless stranger, with the face of all the loves I have clung to and lost all the same, until my body returns to the dirt from which it came, only for whatever remains of the soul I once called my own, which you have unknowingly kept in your back pocket all this time, still searches for you, for something called closure. I'll always look for you.