nothing else but my heart's desire [COLLECTION] | FINISHED

Roller coaster - ORIGINAL PROSE

I miss you when I look in the eye of a stranger, when all else fails and I recall those moments lost in the recesses of their minds, as they seemed so unimportant, yet meant so much to me. You haunt my dreams, like a ghost before the window as the storm rages on beyond the panelled frame. I miss you when I think of all the things which shall never be, as doors close to the life I could've led, all those years ago. You haunt my dreams, as the stranger passing me by, as the face among faces, as my memory pieces together my life in disorganised, chaotic fashion, as though taping cutout shapes together to form an image of a person, all fantastical illusions and lost hopes of something different. I miss you like I miss every person in my life: everywhere, always, all at once, never allowing me a moment's rest from the constant cut of betrayal and pain. You haunt my dreams, as a spector haunts its victims, as your ghostly effect lingers still on my mind when I wake. What does it mean, when I cant escape the presence you had, nor the absence of you, as a space in my life remains empty to this day. I miss you like I miss the sun when it rains, only to feel its overwhelming, oppressive closeness as the days tick on and on for all time; I miss you like the butterfly misses the flower, until the flower traps it still in its beautiful, so oddly beautiful snare, though how I still long for that stare; I miss you like the jewel misses its owner, longing to be worn yet left aside, cast away when its shine has begun to dull, as it finds that it has since been replaced by diamonds and sapphires as bold and beautiful as can be, until they are, as the cycle dictates, inevitable cast aside too. It never ends, but I never wanted it to end. Why did it have to end, this most beloved roller coaster of my life?