Strange, crazy and wonderful

Give me the chance

There's this thing about being a surgeon... maybe it's pride or maybe it's just about being tough...but a true surgeon never admits they need help unless absolutely necessary

Blake brought the tea over to Meredith's bedside, she glanced at the clock, 3:30am. The red numbers glared at her as she handed the chamomile tea over to Meredith "Your nightmares are worsening Mer."

Meredith took the cup with a grateful smile "I don't get it.. I mean.. we're fine.." she whispered tiredly "but in every dream you're walking away from me.. and I just.. I just can't get over it" she looked tired and worn.

Blake's heart broke a little "Do you want to see therapist? Because I could give you my own diagnosis but Mer we're set to marry in five weeks. Do you want to push the date back?"

Meredith quickly shook her head "No.. I just.." she sighed "There's the mom thing and the dad thing.. the sister things and then dying and coming back to life.." She trailed off "I have so many issues I don't even see how you could love me.."

Blake took the cup from Meredith's hands and placed it on the bedside table. She cupped her cheeks "Look at me Grey.. I love you and all your flaws, your issues? Sure there's plenty .. but you're my Meredith Grey and I love you.. I'm not going to walk away from you. I tried.. god I tried but you're addictive .. everything about you draws me in.

Everything about you that should make me question my sanity makes me love you, you're dark, you're twisty and you're filled with tiny cracks .. but so am I.. there are days where I have to force myself to not loose my shit. I'm still working through the loss of my daughter.. I still have trust issues.. we're both a little broken. And that's okay.. I wasn't looking for perfect. I love you and your imperfections at every angle .. just." She breathed out "just if you still feel like I might walk out... remember that you have become my world.. and it's pretty impossible walking out on your world."

Silent tears rolled down Meredith's cheeks "Maybe.. maybe I should see a therapist. I have to .. there's plenty of things.. I haven't told you."

Blake nodded "Do you want to tell me? Or .."

Meredith sniffed but Blake kissed away her tears "I'm right here Mer you're not going to scare me off."

Surgeons don't need to ask for help.

Blake climbed back into bed and pulled Meredith to her chest. She threaded her fingers through her hair "when I was dead.. I saw something and at first I just thought it was drugs you know. My brain creating this delusion but it wasn't not really. I saw Denny, I saw Dylan the bomb squad guy .. I saw Liz Fallon she was my moms scrub nurse and doc was there too.. and Bonnie.." she paused gathering her thoughts "It was this weird intervention.. Denny started asking me whether I remembered what happened in Elliot bay."

Blake shut her eyes at that, the unbidden images of a blue and lifeless Meredith sprang forth.

"I told him I did. I was helping this businessman who crawled out of the water.. I managed to stop his bleeding but he was agitated and delirious of the blood loss and he kept moving when he tried standing to his feet, his leg knocked me back, and knocked the wind right out of me .. I struggled catching my breath.. I tried fighting, I tried I really did but by that point swallowed too much water, my limbs froze up because if the frigid temperature.. and you know.. I drowned."

"Go on.." said Blake hoarsely as her own tears rolled down her cheeks.

Meredith sniffed listening to Blake's heart beat, it calmed her .. "then Denny kept asking me.. why I gave up,why I didn't fight. And I told him. I fought, I fought damn hard but it was hard and after a while he gave up when everyone else told him to shut up .. then I told him I was waiting.. I didn't know what I was waiting for but I was waiting."