Strange, crazy and wonderful

The animal in us..

we like to think that we are rational beings ... humane ... conscientious, civilized, thoughtful.

Blake opened the door for Meredith. "I'll wait.. I'll get a coffee and wait till your appointment is over?" She offered.

Meredith smiled weakly "I'm fine .. I'll be fine.." she said quietly and pecked Blake "I'll take a cab to work, I'll see you later."

Blake nodded "Okay.." she looked up to the office "I'll see you later babe."

•••••••••

Therapists office

Meredith sat down on the comfortable couch in the furthest corner as she did with every session.

"This is your third session and you still haven't said anything yet. Now, while I love the quiet time, ..." started the therapist,

Meredith chuckled dryly "I read a study that, uh, says that just the act of going to therapy is beneficial, even if you don't say anything, even if you just sit"

The therapist raised a brow "So you'll just come and sit here, That's how you're gonna solve your problems?

Meredith shrugged "I would say I don't have problems. But my fiancé that I'm supposed to be marrying in the next five days tells me I have severe abandonment issues." She started "Honestly I'm here because I wanted to speak about my problems not with her because even if I do, she listens, she doesn't judge but.. I'm afraid that.. if I keep doing it.."

The therapist started writing on his notepad "You're afraid you'll make her leave .."

Meredith fidgeted "Yeah.. so maybe she's right, I've got severe abandonment issues, it's crippling. It's affecting my dreams and in every dream I see her walk out on me.. and then I wake up and she's beside me ..and I try to console myself with that.. but it doesn't work..not all the time at least."

Dr.Roberts nodded " Okay let's start there. Where does your fear of abandonment come from?"

Meredith laughed sardonically "Oh.. that comes from a workaholic mother, a father who ran off when I was five because my mother was having a love affair with her colleague.."

"Your mother, what's your relationship with her now?"

Meredith shrugged "She's dead, I mean she had Alzheimer's for the last years of her life and so she didn't recognize me grown up instead she lived through her residency days.. I suppose we had a tense relationship— she was hard on me and I acted out because she was never home and I hated it, I felt unloved, uncared for.. I never had an example of a healthy relationship before. My ex boyfriend hid a secret wife for two months and when said wife showed up I was called the slutty whore .. who broke up the perfect marriage."

"And what about now? You said you're marrying in a week?"

A small smile curled up on Meredith's lips, she rubbed her engagement ring "Mm.. I am. It's hard. Not loving Blake my fiancé. That's easy, as easy as breathing. But it's hard.. because she loves me, she shows me she loves me, and tells me everyday that she loves me. But in the back of my mind.. there's this little voice that says .. she'll leave just like everyone else has.. and that terrifies me.." Her eyes watered "It's crippling because she's the best thing I've had in my life .. and if she leaves..."

"Has she left before?" Asked Dr.Roberts

Meredith licked her lips "Once .. I cheated on her because I found the engagement ring, I panicked — everything hit me at once and I couldn't breathe.. and I self destructed.. I slept with someone else.. she found out.. she left.."