Help me

[Eng]

14.05.2022

it's Starting again
the feeling of not being able to accept you.. the feeling of not wanting to be touched by you or seeing you.. the feeling of being hurt of what you said, eventhough you really didn't say anything bad or mean or something..I'm so stupid.. my head's so stupid.. I hate it.. I know it's hurting you but I won't tell you.. I told that I felt this way and all I got as an answer was an "okay" I mean.. it's fine but it hurts a little bit. I don't want this feeling to be here, I wish it were never here.. I'm scared.. I'm scared of my head blocking fully again and not being able to accept or enjoy your touch.. enjoying the time with you, enjoying you warmth and everything about you is getting so hard.. so motherfucking hard.. I wish all this never happened.. I wish I never said a word.. we wouldn't be in this situation right now.. I know that it hurts you.. and it's hurting me too.. I wish I could change it.. or go back to the past and just.. change what I did so it all wouldn't happen but I know it's not possible and I'm so sorry for ruining everything in this stupid way.. you don't need to tell me it's not my fault, I didn't destroy anything- but I know I did and even I didn't do it for you, I did it for me, I ruined my head but reacting like this, my mind's going crazy.. I'm so so sorry.. please forgive me..