20.06.2022
He knows. He knows and that scares
me, that scares me so much. But that he doesn't even say something about it, scares me even more. I want to know what he thinks, feels about it, I want to know what's on his mind, I'm scared, I'm scared of him leaving, I'm scared of losing him, eventhough I'm not quite sure if he really is my friend or if he cares or something. I'm stupid for telling him, hate myself for telling him and wish I didn't. I wish I could change it, I wish I could turn back time.
Knowing that he knows, knowing that he read this words, knowing that he knows nearly everything scares me, scares me so fucking much. I hate the feeling of not being able to really look at him, scared of him saying something about it, scared of him.. not understanding anything, scared of him being like it doesn't matter, get over it or something. Fucking shit, help me please, help me, save me.
I need him to save me, to hug me or care about it, I'm helpless, lost, fuck I wish I didn't say a word to nobody, help me, save me, please.
I hate it, I hate this feeling, why doesn't he say something? Why doesn't he say a word? Why why why why why why why? why doesn't he understand? Why doesn't he see the signs when he knows what my mind's like, why doesn't he see when I need to cut and bleed and hurt myself, why doesn't he if I'm losing control over my body, over my mind and over my everything, I'm not mad at him, I'm just begging for help, silently without wanting because I don't need and want help, I hate it, I'm okay, aren't I? What do you think, what are you feeling, tell me please, tell me everything but don't leave me without knowing.. fuck I'm so so so so so so so fucking sorry
YOU ARE READING
Help me
RandomTW Das hier ist wahrscheinlich nichts für Menschen, denen es psychisch nicht gut geht, die mit Depression, Ängsten oder irgendwas in dieser Richtung zu tun haben! Großteils sind es Gedanken und Situation, Texte die aus dem Moment heraus entstehen...
