19.06.2022
One more.
Only one more.
It's always »Just one more.«
But it never, never is only one more.
Because one is never enough.
It needs to be deeper.
There must be more blood.
That's just not enough.
It doesn't hurt enough.
I deserve way more than that.
I deserve throbbing pain.
I want to bleed.
I need blood.
I need to see blood.
But it's not enough.
Not deep enough.
If someone would see,
They would think it's not even deep.
They would think it's not enough.
And it's never enough.
It can't be enough.
I am not allowed to have the timer over 24 hours.
I'm not allowed to stop.
I need the pain.
I want the pain.
Why don't you get it?
You say:
Just stop.
Don't do it.
Wtf, emo.
Why?
Stop for me please.
It won't help.
It's useless.
And should I tell you what?
I know.
I doesn't help.
Never did.
But I'm addicted.
I'm not allowed to stop.
I need the voice in my head to stop.
At least it will stop telling me to cut.
At least I see blood.
But I hate myself for it.
You asked why?
Should I tell you?
Okay I will.
Because I want to.
I need to.
It makes me feel better.
It's all I can think about.
I see myself bleed.
I know I'm alive.
Eventhough I can't feel it.
I just go deeper.
Hoping to feel.
Crying for help.
Dying for a hug.
But I don't want help.
I don't need help.
I'm fine.
YOU ARE READING
Help me
RandomTW Das hier ist wahrscheinlich nichts für Menschen, denen es psychisch nicht gut geht, die mit Depression, Ängsten oder irgendwas in dieser Richtung zu tun haben! Großteils sind es Gedanken und Situation, Texte die aus dem Moment heraus entstehen...
