Help me

[Eng]

Fr is it that hard?
Is it that hard to put in the effort?
Is it that hard to actually show me?
Is it that hard to handle me?
Is it that hard to be honest?
Yeah, we worked things out, it's "fine"- but still nothing really changed except that we are texting again- you're answering, that's what I do too.
I keep trying to talk, but we don't.
It's fine if you don't feel okay today and that's why we do not meet up. I get that.
But you're not even trying to find another option.
You're not even really texting me today.
I feel like I'm just an option for you and I hate that.
It's as if you were just texting me so I won't keep annoying you with this bullshit.
I'm so so scared that there is someone else, I could not handle that.
For real - don't do this to me.
I do not ask for much, do I?
Is it too much to give me your attention, to have a real conversation? Is it that much to show me that I am actually wanted and not just there because you don't say that you don't want me?
You told me, you loved me.
You told me, you wanted me.
You told me, you missed me.
But why don't you show this to me then? Why don't you make me feel it?
I just feel helpless, hopeless and I hate that.
I don't need that exciting type of relationship, I need security. I need something calm, someone I know loves me. That's all I want.
I can't keep up with this.
I can't feel.
You broke something in my heart.
You broke the part of me that really loves you to bits.
You broke that part of me who'd be happy whenever you messaged,
You made my heart feel about this as something I can't change.
I can't find the happiness I felt inside anymore. I can't find the butterflies, the love I felt.
You make me doubt. You make me doubt on what is and what was. You make me feel like everything's fake and like you didn't give a fuck about me, about what I'm doing, how I am feeling.
Could be me but I honestly can't see that you want me. You can say many many things. But do you mean it?
I need to know.
Do you want me?
Do you love me?
Do you miss me?
Do you need me?
Do you think about me?
Do you say the truth?
What do I mean to you?
Tell me.
Fucking tell me.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I know I'm annoying.
I know I'm stupid.
I know I'm overthinking.
I know I'm fucking it up.
I know I'm having the fault on this.
But I need you to tell me what you feel.

You promised.
You gave me a promise.
You said I'd be fine, we'd be fine you said.
Does this mean nothing?
Does this mean nothing to you?
Does.. do words even mean a thing to you?
Do you even care?