Captures of Perfect Timing (The Art of Life #1: Life Version)

04.26.18 - behind the lens

I had been staring at the ceiling of my room for what seemed like an eternity now. I felt bored.

I wanted to sleep to shake off my boredom pero ayaw naman akong dalawin ng antok. Wala rin akong ibang magawa. Wala rito ang kambal. Si lola, tulog naman.

I sighed heavily and rose up from bed. My eyes wondered around the room before they settled on my laptop at the study table. Habang tinititigan ay unti-unti akong na-a-akit na buksan iyon.

I stared at the laptop as Kiel's words resonated in my head again. I remembered the conversation I had with him a couple of months ago, noong mga araw na palagi kaming tambay sa library.

"You really like reading, noh? Mahilig ka rin ba manood ng movies?"

"Not really," sagot ko habang nagbabasa ng fictional book.

"Ah mas gusto mo 'yung ikaw mismo nag-i-imagine ng scenes?"

I nodded.

"Kaya pala ang lawak ng imagination mo."

"Tingin mo?" Napalingon ako sa kaniya.

He nodded. "Ang ganda nung ginawa mong story dati eh. Meron ka pa bang ibang gawa?"

"Ano lang... mga scripts sa roleplays?" Natawa ako.

"Ayaw mo i-try gumawa pa? Bagay sayo maging writer."

"..."

"Ang observant mo rin kasi..."

"Actually..." I contemplated whether to continue or not. "...gusto ko nga eh."

"Talaga?"

I nodded. "Kaya lang..."

"Kaya lang?"

"Hindi ko magawa eh." Ibinalik ko na lang sa libro ang tingin.

"...Bakit?"

I shrugged.

"Baka hindi mo siya gano'n kagustong gawin?"

Umiling ako. "I love writing."

Alam ko sa sarili kong gusto ko iyon. Kaya nga nakakalungkot unti-unting marealize na hindi pala enough na gusto mo lang. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang kulang para maging sapat.

"Pero tinigil ko na," dagdag ko. "Hindi ko kaya."

"Lahat naman tayo hindi kaya sa simula. May pinanganak bang magaling nang magsulat? Lahat naman 'yan natututunan."

"Pero may mga bagay kasi na kahit anong pilit mo, kung hindi talaga para sa 'yo, hindi para sa 'yo," sagot ko.

"Hmm... Hindi ba masyado pang maaga para masabi mong hindi para sa 'yo?"

"Agh! Bakit ba palagi kang may point?!" I just found myself sitting in front of my laptop.

I frustratedly hit my forehead with my palm when my screen still remained blank after minutes of thinking.

I breathed in deeply and stood up from my seat after turning off my laptop. I shoved it in my tote bag.

If I really want to write, I need to adjust. Kung hindi ko kaya magsulat dito... baka sa ibang lugar kaya.

Buti na lang ay gising na si lola kaya nakapagpaalam ako na pupunta sa Sierra Café. I liked the environment in that coffee shop, maaliwalas... so hopefully, I'd make progress there.

I was still wearing my anti-radiation glasses and my hair was in a messy bun, with a few strands framing my face, when I went to the shop.

While my order was being processed, naghanap na ako ng upuan.