{~Deku one-shots with angst~}

The many bloodied bodies (are not a guide to the future)

A/N: AHHH IT'S BEEN TWO. MONTHS. Sorry everybody! I took a break for exams and now that it's summer break, I'm finally ready to write my soul out~! Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter!

AU: Izuku doesn't need to sit, doesn't want to sit; he just needs to fight. Recovery Girl sees the many bodies she couldn't save in his eyes. 

Something that might've happened right before Izuku left UA as a vigilante in the manga!
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"You can't keep going like this." Chiyo urged, her typically calming demeanour now set alight with frustration. "Sit down, boy."

"I can't." Izuku shook his senior's hand off gently, shadows casting over his eyes as he turned to leave, "There's too much to do, and not enough time. I- I need to be there, I need to be able to offer up the skills I have!"

"I need to be the Symbol for them, even if I die." Recovery Girl heard, guilt creasing across her frown. The boy who was facing his back to her held reminiscence to the young Toshinori; the young boy who she had let destroy his own body and mind for Japan.

"Sit back down!" Chiyo barked, her voice cracking in a way it hadn't since she had been a young lady on a battlefield, a battlefield dyed in blood red.

In shock, Izuku hesitantly obeyed, sitting on a bed with pristine, white covers; a mattress of comfort he couldn't afford to rest on right now. Yet, the anger and sadness in Recovery Girl's eyes seemed to beckon him to spare her a minute.

"Do you know..." Chiyo began, gulping down some of the pain in her throat, "How lucky you are to be alive right now?"

And Izuku knows.

He knows, because trying to find that answer was one of the only reasons he was still alive now. One of the only reasons he could convince himself to not die. He knows because of the scar-lined skin that proves a few moments too close to permanent darkness.

And Shuzengi knows.

She knows, because she's seen countless of little boys and girls so fragile and broken, young women and men who don't see the exits of their tunnels, people with bright futures fallen down like dolls, and loyal friends who used to stand by her, not cold in her arms.

"I- I do." Izuku stammered out, nibbling on his lip slightly, the light in the infirmary just a bit too blinding, a bit too scrutinising. 

At his reply, Chiyo's stern expression softens, and she pats Izuku's curls with a calloused hand.

"Then why are you throwing your life away?"

Blinking, Midoriya jumped up from his seat.

"I- I...I don't want to disappoint All Might.." Izuku whispered, knowing how vulnerable and fragile he sounded, "He gifted me One for All...I need to- I need to fulfill that prophecy and-"

Shuzenji cut him off with a tut, and tapped her cane on the floor.

"That silly boy's footsteps are not anyone's to follow. His place is not just yours to fill, dearie. All Might got where he is now with decades and decades of mistakes, and pain, and violence. You don't need to follow that path; he doesn't want you to follow that path. You must make your own journey, in order to be the hero you are."

Midoriya stilled, trembling slightly, but he still couldn't see this through, that burning, stubborn urge of reason.

"I-it's for the people! It's for the people who deserve to live in happiness, it's for...it's for normality. Doesn't that make it okay?"

"No, no it doesn't. It has never." Recovery Girl shook her head, "You're doing it so people don't have to live life how you did, aren't you? In pain, in loneliness, in sorrow."

And he was, wasn't he?

The days of eating lunch alone, the days of judgemental eyes tracking him, the days of staring at the rooftop in a sense of belonging.

He didn't want that for anyone. Never.

"To succeed in that, you have to live, Midoriya-kun. You have to, because you deserve to be saved as well."

And oh.

Oh.

Is that really what he's been doing?

Losing himself in the war, in justice, in peace. Every minute of his day, whether he's with his friends or by himself, in the morning or at night, he's antsy to do something, anything. 

He wants thing to go back to normal- he wants to be able to eat lunch with his friends, he wants to be able to watch a movie with his mum, he wants to live a future where he's someone that will save people with a smile, and someone who people will look up to with a smile.

How can he do that if he dies here?

How can he do anything if he's not even there anymore?

"You're not the first to be like this." Chiyo smiles solemnly, eyes glistening in years of experience, "and you won't be the last. It's part of the spirit of a hero, wanting to save everyone with every last bit of yourself."

"I'm going to save as many people as I can, in body and in heart, Chiyo-sensei. And if I have to die doing it, I'll do it."

"And I'm not getting to let you destroy yourself recklessly, thinking your pain is justified."

Izuku couldn't say anything, utterly overwhelmed at this wave of guilt and relief.

He let it all go, the feeling of desperation, of worth; the tears trickled down his face, and he let them, because he realised something now.

He wanted to be a hero, not a martyr.

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A/N: This took so long but was actually really short! Mannn, anyways, hope you guys liked it anyways! Have a Plus Ultra day/night and you are loved <33