{~Deku one-shots with angst~}

I'm tired, I'm sorry...

Surprise AU

"Deku... please we're here, I'm here for you, come back to UA . I AM HERE DEKU, YOU ARE THERE! YOU'RE ALL I'LL EVER WANT AND ALL I'LL EVER NEED"  Bakugou says, tears in his eyes. 

"No...

sometimes you can't get what you want Kacchan... what you want and what you need can be mistaken as the same thing. You don't want me and you don't need me, you're simply trying to convince yourself that me leaving will be too much of a change to adapt too. But you'll get through it... 

I'm tired of it! I'm tired of pretending! Society only saves those who are in physical pain, what have they ever done about mental pain? My mind is in shards, and it's slicing through my mask!" 

He says, tears rolling down his face, his eyes resting upon dark eye bags from days and weeks from not being able to sleep properly. His nightmares are made from past trauma, his memories on repeat, making his consciousness swirl into a constant spiral. 

repeating 

and repeating 

and repeating 

until it feels so suffocating he can explode. 

People say practice makes perfect. But he's practised so much, tried every way, every trick and advice he could ever take to make himself as perfect as everyone says he should be, perfect as everyone expected him be, perfect as... a normal person. All he ever thinks about is how he's a disappointment, a disgrace, how he isn't as perfect as a normal person. 

So he decides to be the perfect person to release other's anger on. 

He doesn't fight back when other's hurt him, he tells himself that he's used to pain. He's willing to take more pain for another to release some stress and some joy. But that's foolish. You can never get used to pain, no matter how long, how much. 

He's in UA now. 

Now he doesn't know what perfect is anymore. He doesn't no what he can do, what he should do to be classified as acceptable. All his classmates say he's strong, he's awesome, he's reliable and smart and so many things but he doesn't understand. Why are they calling him that? Are they lying? He knows he's not so.. why do they say that? He classifies himself as rude and heartless, for thinking of his friends in such a bad way; they wouldn't tell him the harsh truth because they're too nice. All his classmates are amazing people and he doesn't know what he should do to fit in... he's confused, he's lost and he needs someone to recognise that and help him. But he won't give any signs, he'll never 'burden' them. All these lies falling out of this living mask. Will he ever change? Can he stay the same as he once was? Can't he just fade away, yet save who he truly is without trying so hard past his limits? 

(if you can't guess, I'm listening to Tokyo Teddy Bear, ENG cover which is why that is legit close the english lyrics) 

"I'm drowning and the sea bed is eternities away, my mind and body welcomes this free feeling against my skin. This time, I'm too tired to swim back to the surface to get a glimpse of the sun only to see the clouds cover it and the stinging water pull me back down into the depths again. This time, I don't want to acknowledge the urge to go through all the struggle to see a glimpse of the sun again. This time, I think I'll let the ocean drift me away; to the end of never and the beginning of now." he says with a broken smile, the shields and guards hiding his feelings now broken down, these overwhelming feelings of immense loneliness, sadness and stress overflowing out. But that's not it, it's not just feelings. It's not like they can suddenly be released by happiness. It's more than just feelings...