{~Deku one-shots with angst~}

Too Late an Apology (I long for retrieve)

A/N: I REALLY AM SO SORRY. My schedule is super random at this point. Anyways, please enjoy some chapters on my acc for all the wait!

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"For all that it's worth, I'm sorry." Katsuki said, almost a whisper compared to his usual yells. 

Timid. 

Guilty.

Everything that shouldn't belong in Bakugou Katsuki's voice. 

Midoriya knows; he knows what those words are in reference to, he knows the deeper meanings behind those two little words, those three syllables, the small movement of lips. 

It's Kacchan acknowledging the burns on his arms, the burnt notebooks, the insults that spewed out of his lips as freely as running water. 

Yet, "For what?" still slips out of Izuku's mouth. 

Because it's been so long. ("What did I do, Kacchan? Please, let me fix it!")

He's hoped (One day...), and begged (Could you please befriend me again?), and prayed (To return to what we were once was?)  that things would become as it had once was. 

But things didn't. 

And things won't.

Even with this apology, even with the broken eyes of his once childhood friend; Midoriya couldn't make himself believe that change was possible. 

Because if it was...then where was it when he needed it?

"What...what do you mean, 'for what?'" Katsuki questioned, eyes flashing up to meet Midoriya's. Crimson, filled with the brightest and fiercest shock, it made Izuku take a step back. 

"I mean...I just- there's no point." Midoriya started, and couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. 

He sounded crazed (broken) he knew. Yet...Katsuki was dropping such a large bomb onto him right now. 

To accept the apology, would be to acknowledge that everything that happened (Ripped uniform, pitied frowns from his mother, tears misting his vision every day) really had occured ; not because of Izuku, but just because... why not? 

To accept the apology, would be to recognise that Izuku had no fault in the torment he suffered for years. 

And how..how could he know that now? After so long, after Midoriya had finally managed to break free of the chains that had seem to suffocate him during those times. 

Those times of being quirkless; was it all in vain? 

"Izuku..damn, that sounds really weird-"

"Deku." Izuku stumbled out, voice surprisingly stable. "J-just...just call me Deku, as it's always been. It means something different now. And plus- well, it would be like..super awkward if you stopped calling me that now." 

"Deku." Katsuki repeated, and Midoriya couldn't help but feel that it sounded new, sounded..foreign. As if his mind still couldn't process that Deku didn't mean (Useless, pathetic, waste of space-) anymore, and in fact meant something else: hope. Resilience. 

Did Kacchan feel the same? Did the blonde finally see that Izuku himself was capable of walking beside him? Did he realise that the reclaimed Deku he saw now was no longer a weakling? 

(Izuku is ashamed he still cares. But how could he not? When for so long, that is all he has ever dreamed of? Till now, no matter what, no matter who...Midoriya still doubts. It is uncontrollable.)

"Deku. You never...damnit, you never deserved any of the sh*t I put you through! You never...you never even did anything to me. It was all in my head, all in my f*cking ego that you were just...you are just so much better than me. I tried so hard everyday to try prove you weren't better, but I realise I- I should've been cheering you on." Katsuki spat out, rubbing at his eyes furiously. "Your success should've motivated me to chase after, and walk beside you."

And how ironic it all was, because it had been the polar opposite for all those years. 

Midoriya let the river spill free, trickling down his face and drenching his shirt; "But that- it isn't right, Kacchan. Pathetic is...it's all I've ever been, you can't tell me otherwise now! I can't believe it. Please, you can't tell me all of this when I'm so close to forgetting all about the quirkless loser I've been for so long!" 

"You were never a loser!" Katsuki snapped, clenching a hand into his shirt. "I don't...I don't want you to forget about the past because- because I want you to realise it was wrong. It's like...it's like you're trying to isolate yourself from the past you, but you shoudn't have to. Because looking back, you were the-

strongest person I knew." "-weakest person there was." Midoriya mumbled simultaneously. 

Gently, and so wrong, Katsuki put a hand on Izuku's shoulder. "Back then, I burned you cuz I was a sh*t. Right here. I could feel the fabric burning, could see the smoke start to arise, could start to smell-" Bakugou paused, and Midoriya felt as if he could also smell the same scent that they were remembering. 

His skin burning. 

"And yet you've never said a word. Never even tried to protest, always coming back for more as long as someone else could've been saved. That is- that's so powerful and I know I recognised that as a weakness in myself, Deku. I could see it in you- that constant energy to keep going, that obsession of always being better than yourself, not others; it scared me, how amazing you were." 

Amazing?

But how could he have been amazing... (On the floor, limbs frail and exhausted, chattering and laughing drowning him, always laughing, always, never stopping, always-)

When he had felt like nothing but a nuisance?

Reaching to tug the hand off of his shoulder, Izuku felt his hitch; because he felt warm. (Like a summer's day, sunlight seeping through, enlightening them with a golden glow. Eating icecream in the grass, chasing after beatles in the heat, running around with happy grins etched onto their faces.) 

He didn't want to accept the apology....couldn't see why he needed the apology; it had been so long. 

Truly, so long. 

Years and months and weeks of hoping to be rid of his loneliness, of the pain, that at some point, he'd already given up on the inside. The facade of hope had driven him to take another step forward, and another, and another, yet all this time, he had never looked back to see just how far he had struggled and bled through here. 

He'd forgotton where he started, trying to simply forget about it. 

But the pain; that was what made who he is now, isn't it? It was what helped him become as strong as he is today. 

Embracing the male in his hands, Katsuki let Izuku's tears flood his shirt, the grenette having been so fragmented from the pain, he'd been illusioned to believe he deserved it. 

"I'm here now. I know it's not enough, but that's all I've got...so please, let me help you." Katsuki mumbled, and Izuku let himself taste hope again. 

Because maybe...just maybe...in his sunlit embrace. 

Izuku can hope once again. 

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A/N: LEMME TELL YOU HOW LONGGGG THIS TOOK! I'm really sorry my readers, it's been a wild year of sketchy update schedules. I love to write, but I think sometime ago I just lost motivation for it. I hope to post another chapter soon before the year ends! Thanks for staying with me nevertheless!

Hope you enjoyed and have a Plus Ultra day/night~!