Is this what you call love?

19-Y

"Did I do something wrong?" Ryujin ask while making a cute face.

I honestly didn't expect to cry in front of her today but when she hugged me, I just felt like all the emotions I've been holding in wanted to come out.

I wipe away my tears, "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cry. Gosh, I feel so stupid."

"Why? There's nothing wrong with crying. Sometimes crying can help us feel better" she smiles at me.

The way she's treating me right now is making me even more confused about how I feel towards her. She's making it clear to me that friendship is all she wants with me but why I do feel like I'm starting to like her?

She literally apologized for sharing my name to her friends. She didn't have to do that because I wouldn't have known since I don't talk to her friends.

"You should really eat. You lost energy by crying so the only way to fix that is by eating food" she points at the sandwich in front of me.

"What logic is that?" I laugh.

"Food is important in our lives. You pee, poop, sweat, cry or whatever you're releasing from your body needs to replaced by food or else you'll get weak" she explains.

"One time I forgot to eat breakfast, I thought I was gonna die by lunch time" she seriously shares so I don't think she's joking. She really takes food seriously.

"Okay, I'll try it" I pick up the sandwich and I take a bite.

"It's pretty good. What is it?" I ask after I finishing chewing my food.

"It's a cucumber sandwich with cream cheese and Kaya jam. It's simple but it's good" she picks up her sandwich and start eating it.

"Do you feel better now?" She ask while covering her mouth.

I smile and nod, "Yes, I do. Thank you."

I can't believe I shared with her about my parents being dead but I'm also glad her reaction wasn't saying sorry for my loss or something like that. Her hug did help me feel better though. This day just doesn't help me with how I'm feeling about her.

"Ryujin, can I borrow your hand?" I ask and she has a confuse look but she gives her right hand anyways.

I intertwined my fingers with hers and she flinches at our sudden touch.

"What's this? I thought you said you're feeling better?" She stares at our hands.

"I just want to see something" I say.

I don't really know what I'm doing. I just had the urge to hold her hand. I feel like I'm actually starting to like her but I'm having a hard time accepting it for a few reasons.

I don't know if I'll be good for her. I don't know if I will have the patience to be with her. I'm thinking maybe we're too different from each other for this to work. Lastly, she has no interest in me and just wants a friendship.

But a part of me is also saying that maybe I need her and she needs me. I can learn to be patient for her. I'm comfortable around her and she seems comfortable around me too.

"What did you want to see?" She's still staring at our hands.

"Do you not feel anything while we're holding hands?" I ask.

"I don't know. It feels weird. I can feel your fingers in between mine and it doesn't bother me. Your hand is really soft though. I like it" she smiles now.

Hearing her say that made me feel butterflies in my stomach so I let go of her hand. This isn't good. I can't start liking her because she doesn't feel the same about me and it doesn't seem like she feels that type of emotion anyways.