Is this what you call love?

49-R

"Is this what you call love?" I look at her while waiting for an answer because I truly don't know.

If she tells me it's love then I'll believe her since I have nothing to base it on.

She scrunches up her face and I'm assuming it's her thinking face.

"I can't tell you if it's love or not because what could be love for me, may not be love for you. But if you do see yourself with me for that long then it might be" she says in a questioning way then she continues to think.

"But then again, would you want to spend that much of your life with someone you don't love? I know I wouldn't and I'm sure your friends would be the same."

I move away from her then I lean back while supporting myself. I look up at the sky while trying to figure out how I feel. She's not rushing me but I don't want to feel confused anymore. She brought up some good points about not wanting to spend a long time with someone you don't love.

I can feel her staring at me but I can't do anything about that right now. Until I know for sure that I love her then I'm not gonna say it.

I remember Felix would say he likes someone then next thing you know, he's bringing someone else home. Binnie is the first person I've seen him with for this long. Then maybe he loves Binnie?

"Finish your food. I have to talk to Felix" I get up.

"Now?" She has this expression that I'm assuming is disbelief. It looks familiar. She mainly uses the same expressions with me. Her famous frowning look is still my favorite. Maybe because it's what she used the most when we first started being friends and it's how I came to like her.

"I'll be right back" I bend forward and pull her towards me by the back of her neck so I can kiss her on the forehead.

I run to the house. "Where's Felix?" I ask Felix.

He gives me a weird look, "You're staring right at me."

I shake my head and I sit down next to him, "Why aren't you bringing home different people like you used to? Do you love Binnie?"

"What are you doing here? Aren't you on a date with Yeji? Like right now?" He doesn't answer my question.

"I am and I excused myself so answer my question, please" I say as politely as I can.

"Well, I don't know. Binnie is just different to me. Hanging out with him makes me feel content. With others, I always felt like something was missing but with Changbin I don't have that issue. We can sit in silence and I'd still be content" he answers.

"So do you love him?" I ask and he thinks about it.

"I guess you could say that. It's more than just a like. So I'm probably in the process of falling in love with him. Why are you asking these questions instead of keeping your date entertained?" He brings the topic back to my date. I don't know why he's so obsessed with my date.

"I want to love Yeji" I sigh.

"What's stopping you?" Chan sits on the other side of me. I guess he wanted to join our conversation.

"Me" I answer.

"I guess I don't know myself enough to trust myself to admit if my feelings for Yeji is love or not? What if it's not love? Then what else could it be? Can you want to spend your life with someone and not love them? She deserves my love but do I love her?" I feel like I'm having an existential crisis.

"Do you wanna know what we think?" Chan ask.

"Yes but Felix goes first" I face Felix.

"Why me?" His eyes are wide.