Is this what you call love?

57-R

It's been about a month since my visit to the hospital. I've had multiple check ups since then and they all say I'm doing good so that's a plus. My therapist even tells me that I look like I'm doing well in general. I don't know what changed aside from Yeji but I guess that's enough for my therapist to notice a positive change.

The past month has been fun. I've spent a few nights at Yeji's place but if we want to sleep together then she mainly stays the night at my place because she shares a room with her sister so it's easier for her to come to me.

I did clear out a second drawer for Yeji because one wasn't enough. I don't mind because it makes me feel more whole when I think about how she has stuff here. It makes me feel certain too that she's coming back to me.

"Ryujin, did you break another toothbrush?" Chan walks out of the bathroom, wearing just a towel to cover up his lower body.

"I didn't mean to. I brushed my teeth this morning then I was rinsing it then boom the part with the bristles comes off. I was shocked too since I haven't done that in a while" I say.

"What were you thinking when it happened?" He looks worried.

"I don't know. I was talking to Yeji on the phone and she was telling me something funny so I was laughing then it broke. Maybe I'm stronger than I look?" I rub my chin.

"Next time, please let me know if you break another toothbrush so I know it's not because of anger. I was so worried when I saw it in the trash" he sighs.

"Who broke a toothbrush?" I hear an angel say.

Yeji knows the passcode to get into the apartment now. My parents invited us to go to their country club today but I asked Yeji if she could come early so we can spend time together.

We do spend a lot of time together but somehow I don't feel like it's enough. I don't think I've had enough Yeji and I want more.

"Ryujin" Chan shows my broken toothbrush.

"Why?" She approaches me right away, "Are you okay? Why did you break a toothbrush?" I can now notice Yeji's worried expression. It's still tough because it sometimes looks similar to her upset expression.

She looks at Chan when I don't answer. Sometimes Yeji's beauty catches me off guard so it leaves me speechless.

"In the past, when she struggled with handling her emotions. She tends to break small things like her toothbrush or comb or something that can easily fit in her hand. Even when she was asleep, she would wake up with a rip in her blanket. So when I saw the toothbrush today, I thought maybe she was going back into her dark thoughts" Chan shares and I don't mind.

"Well, why did she break it today then? Did something happen?" Yeji looks at me again while checking to see if I'm okay.

"I was laughing while talking to you. I was happy, not upset" I finally speak.

Yeji let out a deep breath, "Are you sure nothing else is on your mind?" She cups my cheeks and I smile really big for her.

"You're the only thing in my mind. From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep" I honestly say.

"Stop that. You're making me fall for you more" she let go of my face and she leans back on the couch.

"Is that bad? I've been falling for you this whole time, should I stop?" I ask in a panic.

I don't know what adequate amount of love I should give Yeji. If I love her too much then she might get sick of me then if I don't love her enough she'll be unhappy. Why is love this complicated?