Is this what you call love?

52-R

"You look good. How are you feeling?" Felix asks while driving me home.

"I always look good?" I frown because it's so random for him to talk about my appearance like that.

"I meant" he sighs, "Nevermind."

He smiles now, "So what did you do there?"

"I played chess a lot. I couldn't poop for the first couple of days but by the third day, it was all good. I actually talked to other people this time" I say.

The past week was tough. Yeji leaving me made me feel a new type of pain that I didn't know how to handle. I realized if her leaving like that hurt so much then I must really love her.

I thought about her a lot and it pained me that I couldn't speak to her or even see her. I'm not mad at her for leaving. I can understand that she thought she could handle me but in the end, she couldn't.

"Oh yea? What did you talk about? Chess?" He chuckles.

"Sometimes" I answer seriously, "Most times I talked about Yeji."

He snaps his head to look at me, "Why? Doesn't it hurt to talk about her?"

"It does but it hurts more not to. She's still a good person. She didn't hurt me or treat me in a bad way. I appreciate her for trying to be with me. I'm really glad that she was my first girlfriend. I'm glad that I gave our relationship a chance" I look out the window.

"I see that your hand is healing well" I look down at my hands.

"Yea. They took good care of me."

I don't remember much from the night that Yeji left. I just know that it hurt a lot and I blacked out. Chan said I was punching my face at some point then I would bite my hands until I bleed. There's still marks on them but it's healing.

We sit in silence after that. I think about what Yeji might be doing right now. I wonder if she misses me like I miss her. Does she think about me? Is she still mad at me?

"We're here" Felix parks the car and I get out first.

I don't wait for him and I walk up to our apartment. Sometimes he takes too long to get out of the car and I don't know why. He's always grabbing his stuff from the back. I don't know why he has a bag all the time. Who carries that much stuff on a daily basis to need a bag? I just have my wallet and I'm good.

I open the door to our apartment, expecting Chan to hug me but I'm met with Yeji.

"Hi" she looks down while scratching her arm.

I look around the apartment then I take a step back to look out the hall to see if Felix is coming but he's not.

"Hi" I do my wave to her then I close the door.

"I'm sorry" she says while still looking down.

"Uhh why? Did something happen?" I ask because I don't know why she's suddenly apologizing.

She finally looks at me with furrowed brows. "I hurt you. You admitted yourself because of me. I'm sorry" her eyes become teary.

"That's not your fault. You couldn't have known what was gonna happen to me. I didn't know I would do that so how would you?" I question.

We stare at each other with neither one of us moving from our spot. She's in the middle of the living room while I'm still standing by the door.

"How are you feeling?" She asks now.

"I'm okay" I simply answer.

She sighs and she continues to rub her arm. Is she itchy? I don't think we have any itch cream left. I'm pretty sure Chan used it a while back and we never bought another one.