Is this what you call love?

50-Y

"But I did realize for myself that I do love you" She cries while falling to her side.

I'm behind her because I was grabbing my stuff to go home.

I don't know if I believe that she realized that she loved me or not. She was just inside the house with her friends talking about it. Who's to say that they didn't tell her that and she just now believe it.

I want to hold her but doing that and still leaving would hurt her more. I'm mad at her but I still love her so I can't do that.

I go back to the house so I just leave her. It hurts to see her like that but I need time to think right now. I can't make a hasty decision and say things are okay if they're not.

I feel like I've been patient enough with her whenever she changes subjects on me or she doesn't acknowledge certain things when I tell her how I feel but I draw the line to leaving me during our date and the fact that she did it to talk to her friends about how she feels about me.

I know she does that all the time but during our date? She couldn't wait until after I'm gone?

I also hate the idea that she only loves me because her friends think that she loves me based on the things she has said or done. Maybe I'm being difficult or what but I don't think that's too hard. If she doesn't love me then she doesn't love me as long as I know she wants me.

"What happened?" Chan stop me before walking out the front door.

"I know that you two are always there for her to take care of her but I really wished that you left this love thing alone for her to figure out. I didn't care if I waited twenty years or if I don't hear it at all. I just care about her genuine feelings but now I don't know. You've been wanting her to see someone so how do I know that all of these are her true feelings and not something you put in her head" I try to hold back my tears.

I already cried so much out there. I don't want to cry more in front of him.

"Chan! Come out here! Hurry!" I hear Felix shout.

"What's going on?" I get ready to go back out there.

"Just leave. You've made your decision" he opens the front door for me and he leaves to go to where Ryujin and Felix are.

I go out the front door and all I can think is if Ryujin is okay. I want to go back out there but will I be sending mixed signals if Ryujin sees me.

After contemplating for a while, I decide to just go back home. I take the bus this time and it's giving me a lot of time to think. Did I make the right choice or was I too impulsive? I was hurt but I also didn't think about anything.

I finally get home after what seemed like forever.

I open the door and I'm greeted by my friends.

"So how was the date?" Yuna excitedly ask.

"Did you two finally kiss?" My sister joins.

"We are not in good terms" I put my stuff down to take my shoes off.

"What?" All of them say at the same time.

I head to the fridge to grab a beer and I get myself comfortable on the couch.

"What happened?" Chaeryeong sits down next to me.

I give them a recap of what happened with Ryujin and the love thing. I share with them how I felt that it's not Ryujin's genuine feelings but it's more she was convinced.

"So you left her? Instead of working it out?" Jinni is sitting in front of me on the floor.

"I just need time to figure things out" I sigh.