Still Dunno

Chapter 28 - Trapped In My Own Prison

Joslyn's POV

I can't believe it's been a month since my little getaway.

I was at home climbing the walls again.

Dad never asked me any questions about where I was, who I was with, or what I was doing, which is excellent because a lot of it I didn't remember.

I did remember being with Christopher at a bar.

I'm sure Christopher didn't tell anyone he saw me, so I kept that to myself.

The rest is hazy, but I have dream-like memories of guys.

Lots of guys, sex, alcohol, and money being exchanged.

Did I have sex for money?

I didn't have any money on me when I came home from Jamey's apartment.

I don't even remember going to Jamey's apartment.

He said I showed up that morning, and he let me in to sleep it off.

The situation made me anxious, and the hazy dreams didn't help me.

After being home for three days, I started to lose my mind.

I know Dad was watching me, and there was no way he'd let me go out.

So after he went to bed, I grabbed one of his bottles from the bar and snuck it to my room.

The plan was to drink enough to go to sleep, but when I woke up the following day, way too early, to Molly screaming, the bottle was empty.

I filled it up with water and put it back under the bar. And grabbed a different one.

I didn't realize how much I missed Molly until I saw her sleeping in her crib.

She was beautiful! My little angel.

When I picked her up, and she didn't start to cry, I felt confident again about being her mother, but it didn't take long for that to go away.

I'm ready to pull my hair out, and Molly is back to hating me.

All she does is scream and cry.

I don't understand how or why she calms down for my dad and not me.

It drives me crazy!

I carried her inside of me for nine months. She should love me more, not Dad or anyone else.

I needed a break, not a four-day break, just a few hours.

Leaving the house to get anything would take a lot of work.

Dad ensured we had plenty of diapers, formula, and everything else Molly could need.

I couldn't stay here another night and deal with Molly screaming, pooing, and spitting up all over me.

Jam Night at Ross' house was tonight.

I wanted to go.

Dammit, I deserved to go.

There's no reason why Molly and I couldn't go for a few hours and then leave.

"Are you crazy? You can't take a baby to Jam Night!" Dad exclaimed when I told him I wanted to go.

"Dad, I need to get out and be around other adults," I said.

Dad sighed. "I understand, but you can't take a baby to Jam Night."

I sighed.

"But you could find a sitter," He suggested.

"That's a great idea!" I said. "Would you..."