Still Dunno

Chapter 51 - The Same, But Different

Joslyn's POV

Two Months Later

I sat on the patio chair, watching Molly play in her playpen.

For three months, I missed my daughter's life. I sighed.

She'd grown and changed so much. It was hard to believe. She was crawling and starting to walk around, holding onto furniture. She said words. Cute little words in the sweetest voice I've ever heard.

Molly looked up at me and smiled.

My heart swelled with love. My baby girl was one year old. I couldn't believe it had been a whole year. So much had happened, and I missed a lot of it.

I've been home from Rehab for a week. While I was gone, I had mixed emotions. I'd secretly hoped that Molly would be horrible while I was gone. I also worried she would miss me so much. But Molly seemed to thrive without me. She no longer was colicky. Molly had a schedule, and Dad kept her to it.

I was disappointed she didn't miss me. She even seemed a little afraid of me. Dad said it was just because she wasn't used to me, but Molly saw Janis all the time, and Janis and I are twins, so I shouldn't scare her.

It made me mad when I thought about it.

Dad came outside. "Good morning!"

"Morning," I said.

"Good morning, baby girl!" He said to Molly, squatting down by her playpen. Molly squealed with delight. "Happy birthday!"

Molly's little hand opened and closed, and Dad picked her up from the playpen.

"Your grandparents are coming over tonight to celebrate Molly's birthday. I invited Zack and his family, too. Joshua and Patrick are home on break from college. I texted Tristan, Jamey, and Janis. They are coming, too."

"Dad, I didn't even plan a birthday party for her," I said.

"It's okay, honey. I've been planning for a couple months now. One year old is a big deal. Your Mother went above and beyond for your first birthday. So I've set up some things. I got a cake with Elmo on it and a smash cake. I bought some presents and invited family."

"Oh," I said, looking down at the ground.

Why didn't I think of throwing a party for my daughter?

"Joslyn, you have been preoccupied," Dad said, reading my mind. "It's okay if these things weren't your top priority."

"They should have been," I mumbled.

"You were taking care of yourself," Dad said.

"Yeah, always thinking of myself," I mumbled.

"Honey, you were thinking of yourself so you could be the best mother for your child."

I looked away. Who was he kidding? I was in Rehab. I was in Rehab, so I wouldn't go to jail. I wasn't thinking of anyone but myself. I thought I'd get out and come home to this perfect life with my perfect daughter.

But life is not perfect!

Molly doesn't scream when she sees me but acts shy. She knows I am no good. She's the only one.

"You can go out and get her something if you want," Dad suggested.

"Nah, I don't know what she likes, and it's not like she will remember," I said, standing up.

"I'm going to go lay down for a bit. My head hurts," I said.

"What about Molly?" Dad asked.

"She is delighted with you, Dad," I mumbled.