BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2016

Chapter 44- Doubt

Underlined = English 

September 13th, 2016:

I picked up my phone and stared at the 5 consecutive texts from Timothée. How did I start a conversation now? Did I overlook the fact I had been ignoring him all day? It was only a day; I could say I was busy. But he had spoken to Yoongi, how much how Yoongi told him?

Y/N: Hey :)

Y/N: Lmk when you're free again

Y/N: I can meet later at like 1am my time if you want

I let a breath I didn't know I was holding out when I hit send on the last text. I much preferred discussing today's events over the phone than by text, that way I could gauge how he was feeling about it all.

"Y/N," I recognize Bang PD's voice and jump up immediately.

"Yes, sir," I stand up, dropping my phone and putting my hands in front of me politely.

"Why aren't you rehearsing like the others?" he asks me, arms crossed.

"I was taking a quick break, sir," I answer, head bowed.

"I don't see the others taking a break, get back to it," he says curtly.

I nod and get back in front of the mirror.

"Now show me what each of you has so far for your Muster performances," he says, going to stand at the front.

The boys go until it's my turn. After each performance, Bang PD gave comments on what he liked and how to improve. I was performing Girl on Fire and my song to my mother (originally Supermarket Flowers by Ed Sheeran -> see Chapter 16 in Year 2015). I wasn't releasing the song officially, but thought it'd be nice to sing it live for the fans, and my mom who I knew would be listening. I didn't know when I'd be releasing it and I wanted to sing it live soon, I didn't want to keep sitting on it.

The more I sat and watched the boys perform, the more nervous I got. I hadn't been focusing on the Muster performances, but the end-of-year performance with the girls instead over the past couple of days. My voice wasn't in the best shape either given I had been drinking heavily last night.

"Alright, Y/n. your turn," Bang PD nodded toward me.

I stand up and stand in the middle. Looking at all the members, managers, and the CEO of the company staring at me made me even more nervous. I run through some quick warmups and then start, but my voice cracks 20 seconds in. I cough and thankfully take the water bottle Taehyung handed me. I hated seeing Bang PDs scowl and wanted to prove to him I was just as good and worthy as the other members.

After taking a few more couples of breaths, I started once again. I run through both songs fully, but knew I hadn't done it to the best of my capabilities.

"Huh..." Bang PD says, looking at me disappointed, "I'm not quite sure what to say Y/N... other than it was lacking. Not at all what I expect from you".

"I'm sorry, I–" I start, but he interrupts me.