BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2016

Chapter 76- 2016 MAMA

December 2nd, 2016:

We were in Hong Kong for MAMA after being in Japan for a week to promote our 2nd Japanese album. We had rehearsed in the morning and were anxious to ensure this performance was perfect. It was the first time we were doing a big end of year award show with its own concept, voice over, and props. It was a big deal for us, and we didn't want to mess it up.

The performance would begin with me hanging in the air in a white dress, or more like a white wrap that would cover what I would wear to perform in, which was a white silk dress with a collar and with a black with red detailing lace-up, corset belt. Namjoon's voice-over would be playing, with my voice-over of the same paragraph would be heard with a slight delay from his. Hoseok and Jimin would then perform Boy Meets Evil, giving me time to rush to the right position backstage. We would then perform Blood, Sweat, and Tears together followed by a skit of Taehyung covering a kneeling Seokjin's eyes, and revealing makeup showing a place where wings would have been ripped from Taehyung's back. Finally, we would perform Fire to end our performance.

Overall, I was doing only slightly better. People had finally started to move on from talking about the trial, as most were harassed by ARMY for continuing to talk about it when I had said I wanted it to end. However, unlike what I had wanted, people had commented about how disappointed they were that I wanted to distance myself from the movement when it had been something they had thought I had been promoting for a while. They called me a fake feminist and a hypocrite. It was painful to read those comments, or watch those video commentaries because that was the farthest thing from what I wanted people to believe. Taehyung had walked in on me watching one of these video essays and as always, he had taken an original take on supporting me.

----------[FLASHBACK]----------

"You shouldn't be watching those," Taehyung says, walking into the recording studio I was doing some homework in, but recently had been watching those videos.

"I can't help it," I sigh, "it helps me learn what I need to work on," I lie.

"Yeah right," he scoffs, sitting down in the desk chair, "you're only hurting yourself for no reason by watching that stuff".

"Have you watched them?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"A couple," he admits, "I have to say, I'm glad I'm not a woman".

I look at him surprised, and a little defensive, the feminist in me waking up at such a comment.

"Don't go off on me," he chuckles seeing this, "I just don't think I could deal with all the pressure and expectations. Like yeah, you have the usual societal expectations of like 'be pretty', 'be docile', 'obedient', all that stuff, but then when it comes to trying to like... how do I put this... like there are so many opinions even amongst women. The videos I watched all seemed to have different understandings of what being a woman was and what feminism should be. It was confusing to me, so I can't imagine what it must be like for you... having to prove yourself to men, but also other women".

I didn't know what to say. He was absolutely right, and yet I was still determined to please everyone.

"Like you just can't please everyone," he continues as if reading my mind, "you'd kill yourself trying. I know I would. I'm only an idol, I can only give people what I'm talented at and what I know how to do. Yeah, my personality and opinions come out naturally, I'm just that kind of guy," he smirks, making me chuckle, "but I don't think I could ask myself to be any more than that. I love my sanity too much".