BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2016

Chapter 55- Guardian Angel

October 20th, 2016:

The doors were inches from closing, when Namjoon's foot stopped them from doing so. They try closing one more time, but then open back up again and he quickly leans in to press the button to keep the doors open.

"Y/N," he says, looking at me seriously through a few tears, "I won't let you run from this. If you won't do it for yourself then do it for us. Do it for your dad. Do it for Anne that thinks you are the bestest, smartest, and strongest person there is. Do it for your mom–".

"Don't you dare bring her up," I cry angrily, interrupting him, "she said she was strong, and she died. I'm not going to lie to myself like that. I'm not going to be a fraud".

"Don't say that," he frowns at me, "and, so, are you going to tell Anne that?" he questions, staring me down, "you can't because you know not only would it break her but that it's not true".

I look back at him, my eyes staring right back into his. He was serious, and it was always a little intimidating when Namjoon got this serious.

"Don't you get it?" I say, my heart breaking, still standing my ground out of desperation, "that person that Anne loves so much is gone. The Y/N that inspires has burnt out. He stole her from me..." my tears were literally flooding down, my breathing becoming super irregular as I tried to get air in my lungs, "I can't... I can't keep pretending she's... she's still there... I hate lying... lying to you all that she's still... still there... It's not fair..."

I fall to the ground holding my chest. Namjoon quickly comes forward and holds me. Yoongi rushes to press the button to keep the doors open.

"Don't you get it..." I cry loudly, pounding his chest, "I'm doing this for you... I'm telling you before... before it's too late and... and I hurt you too much... because of it... I'm not running away because... because she's already gone," I rest my head on his shoulder, still trying to steady my breathing as I felt a headache come on, "I have to be honest... I won't let you think it's going well... because... then the reality will hurt... it will hurt even more when it eventually comes out later... it always does".

I kept crying, so much so I could feel his shirt getting wet.

"There's no future for me oppa," I say, just above a whisper, "I can barely get through a day without wanting to pass out... and then I can't sleep... I'm on high alert 24/7... I can't be like this... and work... I'm just facing the truth".

My headache was getting really intense, but I couldn't stop myself from crying, the floodgates had been opened.

"Do you remember the magic shop?" Yoongi speaks for the first time.

I turn my head to look at him confused, his figure slightly blurry from all the tears.

"Those lyrics you wrote, god, I don't know how long ago," he explains, "cuz I do. 'On days I hate being myself / This place will await / It's okay to believe, the Magic Shop will comfort me'," he recites, "We're still your magic shop Y/N. It's okay to believe your strong even if you aren't necessarily. Belief is what gets us all through life, not the truth".