Secret Desires

✧ 29: Every Precious Minute

✧ December 26th

        I think I could stay like this forever. Just lying here on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and feeling his chest rise and fall. We've been like this for a while now. Here on his bed, me curled into his side. My bare thigh is resting high near his stomach, his fingers absentmindedly drawing patterns that I follow with my eyes. I'm doing the same on his torso, my finger making squiggly lines and odd shapes. Occasionally I graze near the hem of his pajama pants but never lower than that. Neither of our minds seemed to be there. We just lay here, indulging in each other's company and touch.

        After the tears had stopped and I was feeling somewhat better, David helped me get comfortable. He offered me a pair of sleeping shorts and a baggy shirt from his luggage since mine was... I actually don't know where mine was. In someone's trunk still? It didn't matter. I'd taken the clothes he gave me and changed in front of him. I was more than comfortable doing so. His clothes were a little big on me, but I didn't mind. I also didn't mind when he changed into a clean pair of pajama pants and no shirt.

        Once changed, he took my face in his hands and kissed me. I felt something shift in his demeanor as he pulled back and looked me over as if inspecting me for injuries. I smiled to reassure him that I was fine, but his answering smile was forced. I'd asked him what was wrong and he said there was something important we needed to talk about.

        "Does it have to do with Nolan?" I asked. My voice fell into a whisper as the familiar feeling of dread started to wash over me. He nodded, his jaw tensing. I lifted my hands to hold his to my face, his thumb stroking over my cheek.

        "I received a call from my dad... And I talked to my partner, Rhodes- "

        "Can it wait until tomorrow?" It sounded like a plea. It was. His eyes searched mine as he shook his head.

        "Back home-"

        "I'm here with you tonight. Right now, I'm standing here in a hotel room, wearing your clothes." I moved my hands to cup his face, pulling him down so that his forehead could rest on mine. I could see him hesitating, his hands dropping slowly to my waist. On either side of me, I could feel his thumbs stroking, his hold on me tightening as if I might slip away from him.

        "Blair," he tried and I could hear the argument he was trying to make. But I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want any more bad news or deep dark secrets revealed. I'd had enough of that for a lifetime. I just wanted to be here with him. This could be the last bit of normalcy that we get for a long while. I don't know when we'll have another moment to just be again. Tonight, I only want this small peace with him.

        "Tell me in the morning," I whispered, pushing up to kiss him. His kiss was just as hesitant as him. "If it doesn't matter here," another soft kiss, my lips brushing his. "Then tell me in the morning." I dropped down, leaning back to see his face. His eyes searched mine again and I hoped he could see what I didn't say. See me begging for just one night with him without the burdens of reality taking up space in this already small room.

        After a moment that felt much too long, he let out a sigh and nodded, pulling me to him gently. I wrapped my arms around his waist as he held me to him, his soft breaths in my hair as he pressed his lips to my head. I wondered if he could feel how big I was smiling because he laughed, his frame shaking under me.

        "The morning then." And it was settled.

        Now we were lying in his bed, stealing every precious minute we could get together.

        Together. We were... Together. The word was almost foreign as I tried to think of us that way. We're a couple.

        Wait, we are a couple, right? I mean, we never stated anything, but declaring our feelings for each other, our love, should be enough. Shouldn't it?