Why is it that when I feel a twinge of hope-
A flutter of purity in my heart,
I push it away?
I push away the happiness contained in that hope,
I barricade the doors to my heart-
And then I turn away into the corner,
The corner that darkness fills.
I cry my tears in that corner-
The corner that is deteriorating from the prolonged use,
As a place to hide my heart.
The safety that I feel in that corner-
Safety from happiness,
Safety from loss,
Safety from feeling anything but pain.
I feel protected hiding myself away,
Away from my dreams-
But out there my dreams are possible-
And yet at the same coexisting road,
Rejection lies,
The thing I fear the most.
I fear rejection-
Not because I hate losing,
But I hate the idea that I had a chance-
I had a chance to prove them wrong
I had a chance to show them that I can be successful out on my own-
Even though they said,
They said that my only success would be selling myself,
If I was all out on my own.
Because I, I am not capable-
Not capable of doing anything for that matter,
In their eyes I am just the big mistake that will not erase,
No matter how hard they try all I do is smudge and smear
I break inside with each word they give-
And I die inside with each time that they hurt me-
Their eyes, I cannot get over the look in their eyes,
Yes, words hurt worse than the physical pain
But the look in their eyes as they hurt me is worse than the two combined.
