You have always told me who I am not,
Maybe some of those words were true,
Even so, I always wanted you to tell me, with proud eyes
Who I am.
As a child, and even now
I wanted you to be happy with who I was,
Who I truly was.
I did not want to know what I needed to work on,
After all, I had heard my bad qualities
Day after day.
I wanted you to wake up and hug me
And tell me that you were proud of me,
That you wanted me to stay just how I was.
I did not want you to call me a bitch,
And then blame it on me for being a bitch.
I wanted, and always will want you to love me
In all the ways I did and do not.
I did not want to be afraid of you,
I wanted to love you just like I wanted you to love me.
Why would I want to hear my faults?
Day after day you drilled them into my brain,
You told me who I was
And what I needed to change.
Mommy, was that ever who I really was?
Daddy, I loved you even when you hurt me when I got you mad,
I am afraid of you.
I hate that just being me gets you mad daddy,
That at times I am walking on thin glass,
Just waiting for you to strike.
I wanted the look in your eyes not to be of a monster,
But of love and kindness
Even as your hands gripped my neck
And lifted me up.
All those times I walked out?
I just wanted someone to come looking for me.
I wanted someone to be worried
But every time I came back,
No one was worried
And no one told me that they loved me
For who I was.
Don’t you understand, that was all I ever wanted.
I am sorry mom,
But I am going to start finding out who I am.
All those years,
I never found out.
You were always telling me who I was,
And what I needed to change.
You ask me why I never learn,
I am sorry mom,
I really am.
But I am not Megan,
My big sister is dead.
Mom, dad
When you bully me
I am confused,
Because I hurt inside,
Drinking in every word you say as truth.
But, it is not true, is it?
It is not all my fault,
What you do and did
Hurting me inside and out.
That is bullying, isn’t it?
I am beginning to understand that just maybe
I do not deserve it.
I have friends who are there for me,
And these people?
These people that I have pushed away,
Because you made me feel guilty for the words you said,
They tell me who I am,
And I think that just maybe,
They love me being me.
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This poem is dedicated to a couple people( Wattpad people first). I dedicate this poem to Theo (Notpoetic) and Lilly, (xxRoyalBloodxx) and Arizza, Dara, and Karen because that I think that just maybe, you guys love me for who I am. This poem was hard to write, and even now I still feel like I am betraying them and that I deserve everything that has happened. But, I think that just maybe I am going to finally learn who I really am.
