Will Love Ever Come?

Chapter 62

THE BUS, WHICH ESCHEWAL is on, shoots up the hill towards the cinema. He sits at the front of the double-decker bus, looking out the window. His thoughts run wild. He thinks, 'Why couldn't payday be this week? I would have sent a cab to pick her up. She's gonna think I'm Joe-Pinch-Penny, but what can I do? I'm about to spend all my money, which is my lunch money, for the rest of the week. Damn, I'm gonna have to eat buttered bread for the week and drink water from the office vending machine.'

His palms sweat. His insecurities kick in. He tells himself that maybe Manna will not turn up. 'She's too good for me.' he tells himself, 'I don't deserve someone like her. People like me aren't allowed happiness. I don't deserve her.'

He feels like getting off the bus and going home. Before he acts, words from the black book come to mind; it reminds him: I am a producer of values and no longer a destroyer of values, and that is where true self-esteem grows. But to keep it growing, I must never return to being a destroyer of values.

He feels good about himself; he has done more good than bad and will continue doing good.

The bus pulls up at the cinema. He feels a numbing pain in his legs, and with his heart beating fast, he steps down the stairs.

He bounces off the bus. Manna sits poised on the bus bench. His heart melts as her beauty feels like it is suffocating him.

He plays it cool, then remembers to breathe. "Oh, I'm not late, am I?" he asks with a cheeky grin.

She looks at her watch. "No, I'm early," she says with a big smile as she gets off the bench.

He leads her to the cinema entrance. As they step through the doors and to the ticket office, then buy popcorn, he hopes she has not noticed that he has not taken his eyes off her. He wants to fall into her wide seductive eyes. He does not know who is more fortunate, him or her. He is going to love her like she never knew love before.

For the first time, as the film begins, he reaches out and takes hold of a woman's hand in public. He feels electricity run through his body. He looks at her. He rubs her hand, and they exchange smiles, then turn their heads back towards the film.