'But a black young girl of God cannot get Anorexia or mental illnesses-.
This is my story.
You probably have struggled like how I have too.
These were my coping mechanisms.
This was a battle.
A battle you may have experienced as well.
This was ongoi...
My chest pains hurt very bad this day. However, I ignored the feeling as I knew it'll pass. I was used to having chest pains at this point but I was also used to God doing his miraculous works to remove the chest pains. Subsequently, I felt relaxed when my chest pains occurred because I knew once I asked God to remove them, he'd do anything in his will to make the pain vanish. It's nice to have faith in something, to have someone you can fully trust and rely on. That's why I desperately want you guys who are suffering like me, to find God. God will always be by your side and never leave you! When you want something done, he will do it for you. He loves us. I love him and want to spread the love with you guys. I am no gatekeeper, If I discovered something beyond amazing -God, I'd want to share it with you guys.
Moving on, Today I had a rare feeling, why? I felt very confident. I had my new hair done and I felt like that girl. I liked how the hair almost touched my butt and to prolong and exceed the feeling of confidence, I decided to practice my prom makeup and keep it on for the day. I am the type of person that bates wearing makeup when I don't have a special occasion I'm attending to. I feel like it's a waste of makeup and causes acne. But I really wanted to feel good today and since I was going to church, I wore my prom makeup that I had practiced. I had prom in 2 days so it was a perfect time to practice. I loved my makeup look, I had lashes and felt like THAT girl.
Unfortunately, today I didn't eat as much so I had no reason to feel guilty therefore, I didn't until it hit dinner time. I was the only one in the family that had dinner. It was so difficult for me but I just had to remind myself that I'm recovering from anorexia and they are not. I need the food, they can eat intuitively. I also reminded myself my family snacks a lot and I don't but I still felt greedy and discouraged as again, I was the only one eating dinner.
Once you get this feeling, remind yourself why you're eating, why you need to eat.
Fuel, happiness, health, building back bonds, to get rid of the numbers in the head, to kill the bad mental thoughts, to be free, to be able to order whatever you want, to be able to eat out, to be able to be spontaneous, for strength, for hair regrowth, to strengthen your nails and bones, to get rid of physical pain, to get your period back, to make a family in the future, for your young self, for your old self, to be happy, to be intuitive, to be able to do what you want, to let go of control and most importantly...
TO LIVE.
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FUTURE ME NOTE : DON'T TAKE THIS AS A INSPO. THIS IS UNDEREATING. UNDER 1000 CALS AND I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO EAT LIKE THIS, IT'S NOT GOOD. I AM VERY DISSAPOINTED WITH MY PAST SELF.
