OVERCOMING A ONGOING BATTLE OF ANOREXIA WITH GOD.

30th of October 2023 entry.

📝30/10/2023. Some struggles are temporary; we just need to be patient and endure.

I had got my braces redone.

Should I just end the chapter here?

We all know the last time I wrote a chapter about my braces being done I was struggling. This was because I thought that braces and eating disorder recovery/ refeeding was in compatible. I was so passionate about how I could not follow my meal plan if I couldn't even get myself to chew. I was frustrated and close to surrendering to my eating disorder.

If you remember I ended up talking to the dentist, who I had to be pure with as she needed to know if I had any issues before she installed the braces, to find out she had a child who had an eating disorder and braces- she provided me with the tips she gave her child.

To link back to the 30th of October, I had got my braces tightened as I stated and eating was hard.

It was so difficult and it wasn't because of pain because I never felt pain in the teeth and if I did I would weirdly like the feeling. I struggled because they added these silver things to my back teeth that if I bit down they would be at risk of falling out; I was scared of putting them at risk because the dentists warned me to be careful.

I ended up having a melt down due to frustration.

I thought if I wasn't on a meal plan, I wouldn't even bother to eat until my teeth has calmed down again; I got annoyed how I was on a meal plan and had to eat. I felt the braces was a good enough excuse not to.

It was when I remembered how God always makes a way for me therefore. I spent time to seek him. It might have sounded weird how I sought God to help me eat but I started to realize how important it was for me to eat as I was very malnourished.

I prayed and told him how I don't see a way I could eat my requirement with such limited options being soft foods.

I didn't know what to do and I was just lazy to think of foods and I hated cooking.

I remembered how when I wasn't on a meal plan but recovering myself, with new braces, I would have yogurt for breakfast, porridge for dinner and boiled potatoes for dinner. It was probably such little calories as I wasn't getting professional help to guide me. What I am saying is it was easier for me then as now I had a specific calorie requirement which felt high for me and impossible to achieve with new braces.

I felt it would be like this forever and God told me I'd get used to it but I made excuses how it felt different this time- I kept thinking about how I didn't have those silver things on my teeth before that create a barrier when biting down and I believed I'd never adjust to them. I had a habit of when I was struggling or in an uncomfortable situation. a way out would seem impossible to me. I could never see the vision of the situation getting better; I always thought it would permanent as it would feel so bad at the moment. A habit I needed to implement and build on was knowing that some trials are temporary. At this moment I was 100 percent sure I would not be able to eat with these braces for the year I had them on but spoiler, I adjusted to it after a week. 

I was stuck on how I was going to deal with the braces on the day I got them done. 

I had no idea what to do.