OVERCOMING A ONGOING BATTLE OF ANOREXIA WITH GOD.

4th of December 2023 entry.

📝04/12/2023- Every December 4th we unintentionally decorated for Christmas, I wanted to keep that tradition.

It was December.

December the month of Jesus birthday A.K.A Christmas- on the 25th.

December the month of my beloved older sisters birthday-  on the 20th.

December the month of my birthday- on he 31st.

December the month of New Years Eve- on the 31st.

I obviously wanted December to be amazing. I was desperate.

My whole year of 2023 was wasted and fought with a battle of anorexia therefore I did not want December to feel pointless as well. I strived to make this month not focused on my ED and it's horrible voices that crowded my head, but instead with celebrations.

I wanted to make sure all these celebrations weren't destructed or humdrum due to my anorexia which hated me having enjoyable events as they always included socializing and food. My aim was to shut down the eating disorder that December so I could enter 2024 content.

Providentially, I had a powerful sixth sense that December was going to an amazing month for me. To back this up, as soon a December started, I opened my devotional on a random page and it stated how God will bring me deliverance soon. It had to be true. I felt on December 2023, the lord would destroy my anorexic thoughts and trade it with positive comforting voices from Him.

Additionally, that sixth sense that I had was exceedingly confirmed when my sister randomly rushed to my room to tell me how she had a dream about me- my sister literally had a gift of getting dreams that signified something- she had told me she dreamt about me having a bunch of friends and we were gathered together whilst I get receiving good news. She told me how I had my period back, I was content, I was popular, successful and discharged from CAMHS. When I heard this I was faithful her dream would come to pass as I had no current friends, no period, I felt sad most of the time and I was still gratefully attending CAMHS. I also knew her dream emphasized how I would not have a eating disorder forever as I could never act like that with one. In conclusion, I loved hearing this dream as it brought me further hope for the month of December and I was excited to see how everything would unfold on this month.

I knew my deliverance was soon.

Later on in the day I was on call with the pastors wife and she had told me to send her a bunch of prayer requests of what I want to happen in my life and she said she would pray those prayers for me. This once again brightened my mood as I knew a prayer from a pastor is one of the best gifts I could receive.

I was so excited for these prayers to be answered. I felt the day was going amazing and I could not imagine it getting any better...

It did.

I went to my apprenticeship and on my break I remembered how it was December 4th. For the past 3 years my family and I have unintentionally decorated for Christmas on 4th of the moth December. I say unintentionally because we did not even look at the date and think 'time to decorate', it was a pure coincidence that it would always be on that day. Therefore, I wanted to keep the tradition going so I spent my break walking to Sainsburys and B&M to do eye shopping for Christmas decoration.

Christmas was my favorites holiday and I was so passionate to have a good one due to a lot of people on social media expressing how when they had a ED they had the worst Christmases. I did not want to jinx this on myself. I had so much fun eye shopping and I took photos of the things I liked- everything was vlogged on my YouTube (https://youtu.be/rRvq-8q_68w?si=V_bXplr56f_vPUhp)