📝09/07/2023.
I kept enduring. I believe enduring through battles and difficulties results in success and victory.
I kept enduring though my battle with my anorexia and braces. I started to manage having harder foods; reflecting on how much I struggled with the foods I ate this day was funny as before, during my first days with braces, it felt too impossible to ever be eating those foods. Before, I thought I'd be living the whole 2 years with braces living off baby textured foods but from the 9th of July I barely struggled as much as I did before. Don't get me wrong it still took decades to chew and eat and it was still difficult but not the point it was impossible as I felt before. I was just glad I was able to balance anorexia and braces when I once thought it was in compatible; God obviously proved me wrong.
One amazing thing I did today was having the courage to even have a fear food. Something even more amazing is that I forgot to capture what the fear food was- I feel like with anorexia I had/have an obsession of capturing every food I eat as I feel it's such a huge accomplishment to eat but realistically, eating is a normal thing that I needed to normalize in my life. This day I felt like I faced a fear food and didn't dwell on it; I moved on meaning I felt no guilt. To be honest, I forgot what the fear food was that I had therefore, I feel it wasn't a 'fear food' it was just a food. I knew I was making progress and to confirm this I didn't even track calories as much this day. I knew I was following the meal plan and that's all that mattered. I was so grateful for the meal plan as I felt not only will It make me eat but also help me to trust myself that I am eating enough without knowing/ counting calories. I felt it could be a starter for me to build trust and leave the addictive habit I had with counting calories.
This day was still stressful for me though as I made the same mistake of waking up early resulting in me having to fit every meal in with smaller gaps. This meant I felt so much fullness which is one of my worst feelings that I don't think I can ever cope with without feeling sad. I hated how I'd feel full and next thing I knew 3 hours later I'd have to eat and feel even more full. To distract myself I did make sure the day was productive for me and that is when I was at my happiest.
When I was away from all my anorexic thoughts and preoccupied.
YOU ARE READING
OVERCOMING A ONGOING BATTLE OF ANOREXIA WITH GOD.
Non-Fiction'But a black young girl of God cannot get Anorexia or mental illnesses-. This is my story. You probably have struggled like how I have too. These were my coping mechanisms. This was a battle. A battle you may have experienced as well. This was ongoi...
