📝 11/08/2023 + 12/08/2023.
Fortunately, negative feelings are also temporary.
On this day, I felt so content.
I felt fearless.
I felt good.
I felt God working in my life.
That night, in the last chapter on the 7th of September, I sought God once he spoke to me and I felt happier since the 10th.
God almost works immediately and I knew was God as I do not believe in coincidences. I believe stuff happens because of inputs and the 'coincidence' is the output. My input was seeking God and I immediately started feeling better mentally. Every single time. God never failed to do it again and again.
He can turn darkness into light.
Depression into contentment.
Poverty into wealth.
Loneliness into popularity.
He can flip someone's whole situation around.
It couldn't be a coincidence, no way. It was because whenever you reach out to him even when sinned previously, or left him astray, he will still respond as he loves every single one of us.
Even if we're imperfect.
Imagine you made soemthing and it wasn't the best quality. You would still love it as you carved it with your very hands.
God knitted us in our mothers wombs according to Psalms 138:23.
If the almighty God created us and all his works are wonderful- according to Psalms 40:5, then we are wonderful.
How could I let myself hate myself?
How could you hate yourself?
How could we hate ourselves.
When we are Gods creation.
I know it is satans doing but the key to getting rid of the thoughts satan gives you is by putting this into perspective. Yes, this is all hitting me as I am writing this now in the future:
Think of someone you find very beautiful. Think about what you find beautiful about them; mentally, physically and spiritually.
Did you know God created them!
God made someone that you find pleasing and God doesn't have favourites therefore, every human is beautiful in their own form and have a purpose.
What I am expressing is, it's very important to love yourself as it could be the key to contentment. The contentment I was feeling these days. In addition, it was all due to my relationship with God strengthening; he could tell me all these things everyday when the negative emotions tried to creep in.
His presence and grace is the best gift one could ever achieve.
Linking back, due to me feeling content, I found eating easier and when I pursued to eat, I felt no fear. No regret.
I felt way more open to fuel myself more and I felt open to gaining weight. I know it was for my own sake but the bigger half of me wanted to do it to impress my Ed therapists in CAMHS to prove to them I can try to recover. I wanted people to trust me.
I feel fearless.
Whenever I would pray to God I would feel composed and hopeful.
To also add. This week it was body image and eating disorder awareness week.
I found out from instagram but didn't inform any of my family members.
In honour of the week I consequently ordered a food I've never ordered before in my favourite restaurant that we weirdly went to.
I was glad I felt no fear in the restaurant on this day as my ED would normally ruin events for me.
Linking back, I ordered the food I always feared having but wanted to and I enjoyed it so much and left the other half for breakfast the next day.
This is a sign to just face a fear.
It doesn't matter if it's a special week or a cheat day or a special holiday.
Do it anyway.
I did, and I felt good.
That's all that matters.
Right?
YOU ARE READING
OVERCOMING A ONGOING BATTLE OF ANOREXIA WITH GOD.
Non-Fiction'But a black young girl of God cannot get Anorexia or mental illnesses-. This is my story. You probably have struggled like how I have too. These were my coping mechanisms. This was a battle. A battle you may have experienced as well. This was ongoi...
