'But a black young girl of God cannot get Anorexia or mental illnesses-.
This is my story.
You probably have struggled like how I have too.
These were my coping mechanisms.
This was a battle.
A battle you may have experienced as well.
This was ongoi...
You see, once you choose to start recovery, you will not regret it.
Instead, it may make you even regret starting anorexia in the first place. I'm only saying that because it's the only way I could phrase it however, keep in mind we are NOT the cause of our anorexia. At this moment I felt I was the cause and beat myself up for it everyday as it had a bad impact on not only my life but my families as well. My future self writing now, now knows we are not the cause of the anorexia, anorexia is. It just spirals out of control.
Linking back to what I stated at the beginning, you may ask why I said you wont regret it. Well it's obvious. You get your life back. This day I felt good in the body, so good. My blood pressure and oxygen was known to be better. I even cleaned my bathroom which takes up a lot of energy and I never felt weak or faint as I had been fueling myself up more. It just felt good to feel stronger. I knew if I kept going, soon I'd be fully strong.
Anyways, whilst cleaning the bathroom I came aware of how my mum was asleep and my dad was at work. In other words, no one was home to watch over what I am eating so I had the thought of not eating as I wouldn't be caught and nobody will now. Can you guess what I did?
I still ate.
Why? Because I wasn't recovering for them anymore but for myself. I knew I had to have 3 meals a day to fuel myself especially because I had been using up energy. This was signs of maturity to me as before I'd only eat because my mum would force me too and watch over me however, my mum wasn't forcing me as she was asleep but I still went to go indulge in food.
One thing that stood out to me in this situation was the fact that my mum was asleep. As sad as this is, ever since my anorexia my mum had not been sleeping as she wanted to keep an eye out for me whether I'd eat or not. She works night so instead of using the day to sleep she'd use it to watch over me as she feels guilty for not realizing the ed before. I felt so bad especially becaus4 the times she'd try sleep the anxiety of my anorexia will keep her up. This moment, I knew she was sleeping and I felt glad. I felt good knowing she resting up and trusted me to make the right decisions.
This was progress in not only my recovery but progress in our bond. Trust is mandatory in a relationship and the fact it was being built up meant our relationship was too.
So, recover. To get your strength back, to get your life back and to get your families trust back.
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