📝03/10/2023.
TW: MENTION OF CALORIES ; NO NUMBERs FOR TRIGGERING REASONS.
I was on a stroll when I came to reflect on my life and my progress.
I realized how I had been maturing by doing the meal plan since my last CAMHS appointment. This was because seeing how disappointed they were at me, how hurt my parents were and how horrible I felt after, I realized it was not worth it at all.
I got my sensed back and I hoped it would stay that way.
I thanked God on how he had been so patient with me through my ups and downs. He always forgave me after my relapses and gave me hope everything will be better. I felt so much gratitude because I felt God was giving me more confidence with food.
Oddly, in the previous days, my body randomly started to shake when I was exposed to some food. I felt scared and I didn't know why. It was like food would cause my body to think there was danger and make a instinctive physiological respond to the situation I was facing; fight and flight was activated. However, recently I felt no fear, no shaky hands, no palpitations. I could indulge almost 4x the calories I would eat when my eating disorder was not being treated.
CAMHS had increased my meal plan from when I first started that I was eating the normal required amount of calories a female should have. This was a huge step for me as before I would eat 1/4 of this amount. I used to punish and starve myself; I was grateful I was doing something good for myself.
When I was first assigned to my meal I made sure I would have the exact amount or a lot of times I'd go under the meal plan- this was dumb. In addition, I would fear even going 3 calories more than my meal plan nonetheless, when I was having this stroll I realized how I wasn't so hyper focused, like before, on not going a bit over; I knew if I went over my meal plan it was for the better as my body needed more nourishment.
My fears had decreased.
I knew God was working.
I felt him.
You can feel him too if you invite him to heal you from your mental illness.
YOU ARE READING
OVERCOMING A ONGOING BATTLE OF ANOREXIA WITH GOD.
Non-Fiction'But a black young girl of God cannot get Anorexia or mental illnesses-. This is my story. You probably have struggled like how I have too. These were my coping mechanisms. This was a battle. A battle you may have experienced as well. This was ongoi...
