📝15/07/2023.
In the bible, it is known that it is a major sins to have other idols. Even one of the 10 commandments is to not have any other idol/god that isn't God.
On this day, I felt I was breaking this commandment and loosing that bond with God. Why? Because of food.
I was very bothered this day as I was experiencing something I researched to be extreme hunger.
In the midst of my researching, I discovered 'Extreme hunger' is experienced when someone is going through eating disorder recovery. One gets is as they had deprived themselves from food for so long that when they start eating again during recovery, their body craves more food even after eating or one constantly thinks of food.
For me, on this day, I wasn't craving food. I just constantly thought about it. It was honestly so annoying and frustrating. When I woke up my first thought was food and that carried on till night. It wasn't even wanting to eat those foods, it was just food in general.
I ate, slept, dreamed food not even joking. Of course I ate food because I was in recovery and I even dreamt of food this day for the first time. It wasn't even a dream it was a nightmare honestly.
I thought I was greedy and weird but I was relieved once I saw everyone recovering from anorexia battled through it. The was to defeat it was to eat the foods you thought of, however, I didn't- simply because I didn't feel I wanted nor needed to; I could just pray to forget about it.
Linking back to the beginning, I felt too guilty to pray because I felt I was idolizing food more than God. When one has a idol, it's all they think about; I kept thinking about food when my mind is meant to be filled with spiritual, Godly things.
I felt so uncomfortable as I had never experienced anything like this. Yes, when i was little I liked food but I never thought about it. Now in anorexia recovery when I felt hatred towards food, it was all I could think about- it simply made no sense.
I also kept planning in my head what my next meal should be. I felt if I was on a meal plan I shouldn't need to as it's all decided for me anyway. Instead of having these thoughts occupied by good, I wanted my head to be occupied with Godly thoughts.
I knew God was generous and understanding; he already knows it's not by my will to have these thoughts therefore, I segregated myself and prayed to him.
I hated this era honestly.
YOU ARE READING
OVERCOMING A ONGOING BATTLE OF ANOREXIA WITH GOD.
Non-Fiction'But a black young girl of God cannot get Anorexia or mental illnesses-. This is my story. You probably have struggled like how I have too. These were my coping mechanisms. This was a battle. A battle you may have experienced as well. This was ongoi...
