📝03/11/2023.
I had been trying to eat even though my braces was once again and obstacle.
I didn't have any anxiety until it was the day before my CAMHS appointment. I don't know if anyone relates who has anorexia, but before a CAMHS appointment I stuff my belly with more food than I would the previous days or water to be able to weigh more in the weigh in. I guess I did it out of guilt as I didn't want to disappoint them. I'm not sure if it ever really worked though.
This is what I did the day before my appointment on this day. I knew I probably didn't eat well as I should throughout the week due to being limited. On this day I bought soft foods like soup, soft bread and mash potatoes. I got these ideas as I emailed CAMHS for food recommendations due to my teeth. I knew if I wanted to do good I had to seek help and not deal with it myself.
I pursed to eat these things and I was so scared for the 4th of November due to me not knowing if I had gained anything.
I wasn't even thinking about myself, I was worried if I didn't gain weight I'd loose CAMHS and my parents trust again. I had already disappointed them many times; when they would think it was going linear or in a good direction I'd, or my eating disorder, would switch it around causing my progress to turn stagnant due to what seemed like minor or major relapses. I'd always get scared, or complacent or lazy to keep trying.
I just didn't want to feel they were giving up on me again.
I wanted to be trustworthy.
YOU ARE READING
OVERCOMING A ONGOING BATTLE OF ANOREXIA WITH GOD.
No Ficción'But a black young girl of God cannot get Anorexia or mental illnesses-. This is my story. You probably have struggled like how I have too. These were my coping mechanisms. This was a battle. A battle you may have experienced as well. This was ongoi...
