OVERCOMING A ONGOING BATTLE OF ANOREXIA WITH GOD.

10th of July 2023 entry.

📝10/07/2023.

This day God really showed himself to me. This is my testimony.

Let me explain, on the night of 9th of July, being the day before this day, I had prayed to God to help me find a perfect balance between having braces and eating my meal plan. To be honest, I made this request known to him as not only was I struggling but I had this immense feeling of guilt. I had felt like I had made the worst decision getting braces as when they were going to give me them they asked me if I was sure I wanted them. I remember saying 'no', but then obviously I ended up getting them; I felt I was meant to keep my answer as 'no' as I had a meal plan and it was a 'dumb decision'. Overall, I was scared for when I'd visit CAHMS because I expected them to shout at me for making such a dumb decision. I also feared the dentists will hate me for me not warning them about my ED. I felt if I had told them they wouldn't have given me braces as braces come with a lot of food restrictions; the truth is, I had waited years on a waiting list to get braces so I couldn't just let it go.

Therefore, this is why I had prayed to God to let me know the decision I made wasn't a foolish, sinful one. I wanted God to make to clear for me that it's ok and this is just a burdening thought.

Fortunately for me, when I woke up God delivered. I woke up by the sound of my phone ringing. The number had been a dentist. It was all so random. She had called me to book another appointment just to check if my teeth was ok and she then started asking me if I'm ok. She asked me if I have any medical issues and I heard God telling me to tell her about my ED. I knew God wanted this as I had made a request a night before and also a dentist has never ever asked me if I have a medical issue. 

I answered her saying, 'no, but I have a mental illness. I'm recovering from mental illness however my braces seem to be an obstacle'. She then hinted and asked me if I had a eating disorder. I then confirmed with her. She told me she completely understood as her daughter had an eating disorder too, her daughter had to go to CAHMS and received a meal plan but got braces the same time. The dentists comfortingly confirmed it's all ok, she confirmed even if I had told her I had braces she would have still installed them. She told me there's no problem and it can defiantly be balanced. She then asked me to send her my meal plan, highlight the things I can't eat on it and then she'd tell me alternatives her child did. I was honestly so grateful and I knew God had sent her to call me to comfort me and tell me I had not made a bad decision and with him all things are possible. I would not have any obstacles pushing me back!

I then sent her my meal plan and she called me back. She told me instead of toasted bread I can have soft bread. She mentioned I can eat potato's that the meal plan stated however I can remove the skin. I also knew, I didn't have to follow the meal plan for what it is and find other alternatives but at this point in time I was too obsessed with routine and didn't want to change it.

Overall, I felt very happy this day. I knew God was on my side. The unneeded feeling of guilt had vanished and I had moved on.

I stretched, cleaned and did everything productive as this was my way of showing myself self love. I felt the happiest when moving my body and being productive.

I watched such positive videos to boost my mood even more and did a nice hobby like sewing.

You see, with a ED, try not to make your whole life revolve around food. Pick up old hobbies, find yourself again. Be happy, say affirmations and watched videos that boost your mood.

Because I caused myself to feel happy today with Gods support, I found eating easier today. 

I prayed everyday will stay like that and even better, Amen.