resolve // 5SOS

21

Ally

"I can't sleep," Axel said, appearing at my doorway.

"Me neither,"

"I brought our blankets. I thought we could sneak downstairs and sit by the pool,"

"Won't dad get mad?"

"Nah,"

I got out of bed and he wrapped the blanket round my shoulders, then we both slowly walked downstairs and headed out the backdoor. It was quite dark, other than the pool being lit up by dim lights, but I wasn't scared.

I had never been scared of the dark. Well, maybe when I was really little but it didn't phase me. Perhaps it was being forced to hide in dark cupboards while the police came round, or how Axel and I always used to hide under the duvet, or that I never used to be able to sleep at night in the car home and was forced to lay in the dark.

The dark felt familiar to me.

He sat by the pool and put his legs in knee deep, so I did the same, resting on his side. I wasn't tired one bit.

"Are you excited for tomorrow?" he asked.

Obviously yes. I was. I was so fucking excited, I wanted to be an Irwin, and for Ashton to legally be my dad. I wanted to know this would be forever, legally. Just because someone said it was forever it didn't mean it- I needed it to be legal. I wanted to know Axel and I would finally have the same surname, and finally be together forever in a safe, loving home. I was excited to go on adventures, own a passport, start a new chapter of my life. I was excited to start living everyday.

But part of me felt like absolute crap.
I was pissed I had gone through everything to even get put in care and the situation to need adopting. Younger me needed a family, more than a twin brother, and some cousins who didn't give a fuck. The present version of me was also missing her cousins, even though I knew they were bad people, and that just confused me. They were familiar to me, like the dark I guessed. You weren't meant to like it but the familiar things always tugged your heart more.

Tomorrow was absolutely the right decision, and the best thing that would ever happen to Ax and I, but I wished I had always had a family whether it was my mum and dad, or Ashton.

Axels mum was still alive, and he didn't want to contact her. Neither of us wanted to know our dad. My mum was literally off the radar, and I knew that was meant to make me hate her but I always wished I could've grown up with her. I was beyond grateful for Auntie Sierra, but I always wanted my real mum.

"Yeah. I'm excited,"

"I'm so ready for this all to be over with, it can finally be in the past. This chapter,"

"I don't even know how to feel about the last few months. I have been on edge with all the doctors appointments and the new family but I love having a family now. I really do," I said, "Having Gabi, and Crystal, and Auntie Sierra,"

"I'm glad you have them to look up to now,"

"Me too,"

"We get to say we have a pool now," he smirked, or at least I was pretty sure thats what his face did, "This is our home,"

"Yeah... I keep having these horrible thoughts though, Ax,"

"What?"

"Sometimes I wish we had grown up with a normal family. I love dad, but don't you wish we had just... had a family?"

"Of course I do, Ally. I wish every day. We probably wouldn't have been twins though,"

"True. I can't imagine life without dad anyway. I think he really saved my life,"

"I think so to. Yours and mine. He has the patient of a saint,"

"Gabi was probably a good tolerance builder,"

"I don't think she used to act so spoilt, I think she's having a hard time with change the same way we are. I'm gonna see if she wants to talk about it," he said, "I think dad was the most important person in the world to her,"

"He definitely was. I like her now, though, I think she is finally used to how things are. She's growing up, she probably doesn't need everyone as much as she used to. I bet that is weird... I can't imagine not needing dad,"

"I guess, yeah. I'm glad you get along,"

"You really like Calum, don't you?"

"I like everyone. I think I am gonna call them Uncles if that's okay,"

"Of course it's okay, dufus. Call them whatever you want,"

"Thanks,"

"Maybe I will call them that soon,"

"I hope so. We should probably get some sleep, right?"

"Right,"

"I love you. I owe this to you," he said.

"Call it even, you have put up with me the last few months,"

"Okay fine,"

"I love you too, Ax. One more sleep until we are Irwins. I think I was born for this moment,"