resolve // 5SOS

36

Alyssa

"You are kinda good at this y'know,"

"I didn't think I would be,"

"Yes! Go on Alyssa!"

"She is beating your ass Michael,"

"Luke you can't say that,"

"It's okay," I said, "I am, beating his ass,"

"Hell yeah you are," Luke smiled, "Sorry,"

"Don't start being all weird to me and Axel. We are the same people as we were yesterday before you knew everything,"

I threw one last ball through the hoop and the round ended, so I put my sling back on and turned round.

"I don't wanna be different. I only just fit into the family,"

"You're right, we are sorry!"

"Can we play another game now?"

"I think your brother wanted to do one with you,"

I spotted Axel, Calum and Crystal by a driving game and went over, tapping Axel's shoulder; he turned and smiled slightly, then grabbed my arm and pulled me off towards a different game.

We played it for a bit in silence- I didn't know how his witness thing went. He seemed really upset after but I was too. Sierra had really helped me understand what I was feeling, and made me feel so safe, and loved. She was my favourite girl in the whole entire world.

Part of me had felt so guilty and horrible to tell everyone my cousins were bad, but part of me was so angry with how they looked after me that I wish I had been able to say more. Dad really had shown me how much I was worth and I was so grateful.

A lot of the time I tried to downplay to myself how bad it had been because it made me feel different, and scared, and worthless. Someone thought I deserved those things happening to me and did it to me for years and years, so why wouldn't someone else in the future? It was really bad. They hit really hard, they fed us crap, but it was so difficult to fight the conflict I had that they did give us food and a place to live. They were bad people, and I knew that, but I was still grateful for food and a roof.

Then again, I was quite a grateful person in general. I noticed the little things. Their little things were giving us a bed. Dad's little things were neatly folding my favourite blanket, and putting smiley face notes in my lunch, or using funny voices when he read to me.

Everything dad did was out of pure love. He gave us a bed and he made sure it was the comfiest, prettiest bed ever. He made food and put mine on the plate with nothing touching each other. He let us go to school and made sure we got there safely, and helped with homework.

Today had really sucked, and I was hurting a lot inside that I had to re-tell what happened, but it made me feel so overwhelmed with happiness that I had dad and our family. I didn't know what possessed me to go and hug Martin, he had always had a soft spot for us I supposed, but all I knew was that Auntie Sierra's hug after the trial was a million times better.

"Axel, what did they ask you?"

"Similar stuff to you,"

"Oh right,"

"I don't feel relieved. I feel guilty... they did all that shit to us and now I am the one feeling guilty that I am helping them get locked up,"

"I feel that way too, a bit. I just keep thinking about how much dad loves us though... and how they could never have loved us that much. I don't think they loved us at all,"

"Probably not. I am glad I had you to love me, Ally, otherwise I would probably be a bit more messed up. It was so hard saying all that infront of dad, though, wasn't it?"

"Yeah. I hate him being sad,"

"Me too. Maybe we could do something to show we appreciate him?"

"Yeah, I think we should," I said, "We could make him a card,"

"And get flowers,"

"How?"

"Calum. Maybe we could go round to Luke's house one time and let dad and Gabi have a day together. I know he misses her,"

"Okay. Yeah. I am so excited to wake up tomorrow and not worry about this case anymore, and just get in the pool,"

"Mhm,"

"We don't need to feel guilty, Ax. They got us in this situation, they did everything to themselves,"

"You're smart sometimes, Ally,"

"I'm always smart you bitch," I laughed.

"Yeah, sorry. We should come to one of these things with our friends sometime,"

"I would like that. Are you and Charles going on any date soon?"

"We are gonna hang out a lot next week... is that okay?"

"Yeah. I am glad you are happy,"

"He said you and him need to go for a coffee date too,"

"Date?!"

"Not an actual date, as friends,"

"Oh. Then he needs to text me, not plan it through you,"

"I haven't seen you be like this for so long," he laughed, "It helped you... seeing them, didn't it?"

"I guess,"

"I am glad. Even though I hate their guts... I am glad it helped you, Ally,"

"Don't you feel any better?"

"I feel like absolute shit, but I will be fine. I think I need to spend more time with you. Don't go all silent on me again,"

"I won't. I didn't mean to, I didn't like it,"

"I'm always on your side... I know we kinda have our own lives now a little bit but you are still the most important person to me,"

"Can we just hang out and watch a movie tonight? Maybe I could watch your on the drums for a bit too, I haven't seen you play in ages,"

"I would like that. I'll ask Cal and Luke to help us out, I think dad will feel really appreciated,"