resolve // 5SOS

39

Ashton

"I am sleeping in here,"

"Okay,"

"I haven't slept all night,"

"Ally, it's 7am. What do you mean?"

"I haven't slept,"

"That's not good,"

"Obviously," she whined, "I'm scared about today,"

"We will be in there no more than 20 minutes, promise. We will go and get a nice drink after,"

"Okay,"

"You don't need to cry, pumpkin. I will hold your hand the whole time, try and get some sleep,"

She sobbed into the pillow, so I put my shorts on and laid next to her, gently rubbing her back.

"It's gonna be alright, you have done it before, you can do it again,"

"I wanna feel normal,"

"I know sweet, I am so sorry. It's the last one for a while though! And it will all be good news, I can see how much the medicine has helped you,"

"Axel gets to hang out with his boyfriend and I have to go and do this,"

"I am sorry it's so frustrating. Would you like your friends to come?"

"Yeah,"

"I will ask Ethel, you just go to sleep for a bit. I love you so much,"

Gently, I ran my fingers through her hair and stayed close to her, occasionally kissing her head until she calmed down and fell asleep. There was always tons of anxiety before these appointments, and unfortunately they had to be done so I always did my best. It was different every time, but definitely worst when it stopped her sleeping.

I carried on getting ready as she slept, and made Axel and I some breakfast. It was nice to catch up with him, then Charles arrived and they went up to his room. For a while, I chilled downstairs, then went and got Ally an outfit and gently woke her up. It wasn't much sleep, but it was something.

"I'm too tired,"

"You can go to sleep again after,"

"I am so tired," she cried, sitting up, "I hate everything,"

"Come on darling, it'll be okay. I got you an outfit,"

Despite her crying, she took it to get changed, then came back through and walked into my body, sobbing into my chest.

"We have to go, pumpkin. Would you like to bring a teddy?"

"My unicorn,"

"Let's get it then, what shoes would you like to wear?"

"No shoes,"

"You need some shoes,"

It only made her cry harder, so I picked up the unicorn and brought her downstairs, helping her put on her trainers. One thing I had learnt by now is there was no way to stop her crying until we got to the waiting room, so I had to work through it.

When we got in the car, I put her favourite music on and blasted the air conditioning, then when we got there I got straight out the car and opened her door.

"Come on, I will look after you,"

"I can't,"

"It's gonna be alright, you're safe. It's only Dr Hailey like all the other times!"

"I can't,"

"I thought you felt better about this all, darling, we didn't have this last time! What's changed?"