resolve // 5SOS

47

Ally

"Daaaaad,"

"Is that Ally I hear?"

"Yeah,"

I followed his voice to the living room and sat him sat on the sofa, so I dove ontop of him and hugged him, instantly calmed down by the smell of his shirt. It was just: dad.

"You look like you slept well!"

"I did. Auntie Sierra sprayed my pillow with something that smelt nice,"

He kissed my cheek and let me hug him for a bit longer, but then Axel wanted a hug so I had to get off.

"Alyssa, did you like my bed?" Gabi asked.

"I didn't sleep in it... sorry,"

"Oh, okay. I'll see you soon, yeah?"

"Yeah,"

She hugged me, then let herself out to the car, shutting the front door quietly.

"Dad, please can I hang out with Charles tomorrow at his house?"

"Of course,"

"Thanks,"

"June's mum mentioned they were gonna be in the pool all day tomorrow if you wanted to go round, Ally,"

"Yeah,"

"Awesome,"

"Can I go and play the drums?"

"Yeah. Are you alright, dude?"

"Yeah. I just wanna practice,"

We watched him leave, then I shuffled into dad's side and he gently stroked the side of my face, playing with my hair. I had a good time at Auntie Sierra's, but I was very happy to be home and in my dad's arms. Even better, I was excited for my bed.

"I got a call about your blood tests. They said it's all looking so much better," he said quietly, "So that is good,"

"Okay. Can we watch a movie?"

"Do you have any feelings about it?"

"No,"

"It's okay to talk about it all with me,"

"Can we watch a movie?"

"Alyssa," he said.

"That's not my name in this house,"

"Can we talk, please?"

"I don't have anything to say, but I am glad you are happy,"

"I know it feels like a hard conversation, and I know it upsets you a bit that you have to take medicine, but I am your dad and I want there to be open conversations,"

I shook my head and buried my face into his side, chewing the inside of my cheek. Ever since I got diagnosed and had my medicine I liked to keep silent and dad always wanted to talk.

I didn't have any feelings about it all. It was a shit thing and I liked to ignore it because my medicine worked and made me feel normal, without talking about it.

"I just worry sometimes that because we don't talk about it, you might not want to talk to me if something was worrying you,"

"I tell you when I am worried, and when my shoulder hurts. I don't wanna talk about my medicine or why I take it. Just let me feel normal,"

I got off the sofa and left, running upstairs to my room. I shut my door heavily, and blocked it with my stool, wiping the tears that had fallen. The conversation always made me anxious, and upset, and feel different. Sometimes talking about feelings to dad was still hard and it felt like I was playing tug of war with myself trying to decide whether talking or staying silent would win.