Fuck me and my stupid ideas!
4 hours ago I got closer to Taylor than I ever have before and now I think she's infected me with some kind of sickness.
The sickly sweet scent of her perfume seems to linger in my nostrils reminding me of her warmth when my body was so close to hers, she's like some happy, smiley fuckin disease and I feel sick to my stomach every time I look at her. In fact the only thing that eases my suffering is thinking of all the different ways in which I can make her suffer
"Hey Traaaav.."
That word!
I don't look to see whose hands are sliding over my chest whilst they push their body into mine from behind I just lurch forward and then spin around and push them as far away from me as possible.
Britney! Fuck!
I look down at her as she sits on the ground, her books scattered around her and her eyes wide with shock
"O.M.G Travis, over reaction much???"
"Sorry" I grumble and as she holds out her hand obviously expecting me to help her up I just walk past her and try to calm the panic swirling in my chest.
As I walk blindly down the corridor I'm aware of students scuttling to move out of my way before I collide with them and then I see her, leaning up against her locker reading some book with flowers and butterflies on the cover and all I can think about is channelling my shit storm of emotions into wiping that disgusting smile off of her face.
"What the fuck is this shit?" I rip the book from her grip and my heart soars as she looks up at me in surprise. I never really noticed how tiny she was before, like if I took her in my grip I would be able to crush her in my palm. "Is this poetry????" Her mouth opens and closes but no sound comes out and its almost funny how easiy I can terrify the shit out of her.
"I need that" she tries to grab it back but I'm a good foot taller than her so I hold it above my head and laugh at how futile her struggle is "Travis!!!" She whines and pouts and if she wasn't so damn annoying I would almost think it was cute.
"I'm taking this as payment"
"Payment for what?!" She crosses her arms over her chest and the pout is now fully on show and for a second I wonder if I was to kiss her would she kiss me back or run away crying? Shaking images of kissing Taylor from my dirty mind I push the book into the pocket of my hoody
"Payment for all the times your annoying fucking laugh pierced my eardrums and destroyed my brain cells" I turn and smirk ready to leave when I hear her voice again
"What braincells?!" She asks just below her breath and before I can think I spin around and slam my hand into the locker behind her
"Don't. You. Ever. Speak to me like that" I lift my hand to her chin and tilt her head towards me "You won't like it if you get on the wrong side of me Swift. Do you understand?!" She nods frantically as I release her chin and then walk quickly down the corridor a delicious burn spreading through my groin and a million ideas of pain sparking in my mind
**************
Throwing my back pack down on to the grass of the football field I pull my knees up to my chest and swallow down the lump in my throat.
What the hell is going on with Travis Kelce?
Three and a half years we have attended the same high school and he had never so much as looked twice at me and now for some reason I seem to be the target of his anger.
He's a bad boy, he always has been. He's constantly in trouble, constantly fighting in the hallways or making out in corners but it's never been any of my business but today, for some reason he has made me his business and I can't help the ball of anxiety that's growing in my gut.
Is this a one off thing? Will he go to bed tonight and then wake up tomorrow and once again forget my name or is this setting the tone for the rest of my senior year???
My stomach twists at the thought of going head to head with Travis every day for the remaining months of school
I pull my yellow journal from my backpack along with my silver glitter pen with purple stars all over and starting writing. Attempting to make sense of what's happened today by putting it all on paper
I don't know what's going on
Why you're making me feel so small...
I can't help but dwell on that moment in the hallway when he took my poetry book from me and held it over my head, I felt so helpless, so completely at his mercy in that moment and i couldnt help but hate and love it both at once.
What the fuck is wrong with me???
School is my place, filled with my people. It's where I excel and feel comfortable but over the course of one day Travis has taken my world as I know it and shaken the whole thing upside down
Its almost like you're winning...
Winning what though?!
What is this stupid game he's playing with me? What does he want from me? What will it take for him to feel like his has won, what will he have to take from me? Nothing? Or everything?
But winning what?
I'm afraid to find out
But even more afraid you'll stop
I cringe to myself and drop backwards so I'm lying on the grass. This guy went from being no one to me yesterday to bullying me today and yet it's only now that I'm plauged by thoughts of him. The heat of his skin, the sweetness of his breath, the intoxicating scent of his cologne. The way he towered over me and dominated me in the hallway.
Throwing an arm over my eyes I shake my head in despair.
You are a sick girl Taylor, a very, very sick girl.
