Travis and I leave Greysons house and start walking towards mine in silence. His arm is still around my shoulders and I can feel his grip is still tight, holding me to him and it's weird to say after everything that's happened tonight and over the course of the last week but the silence and the contact doesn't seem strange in fact it feels strangely familiar
"Aren't you afraid one of your friends will see you with me?" I finally ask and he continues to stare ahead and walk
"Aren't you afraid one of yours will see you with me?"
"No, their car broke down out of town, that's why they weren't at the party" I give a small laugh but neither of us seem in the moody for any attempt at humour
"I'm sorry I wasn't there sooner"
"I'm not your responsibility Travis, God who am I? Some girl from school you didn't even know a week ago"
"I know you now. I was going to come out there but then I decided to get another drink, if I hadn't have done that..." he looks down at me for a split second and I swear I see him shudder.
"Why were you going to come out?" I keep my gaze on the row of traffic ahead of us but my heart speeds up as I consider what the reasons might have been
"It doesn't matter. I didn't and you got hurt"
"But it's not your fault, none of this has anything to do with you" I see him nod slightly and we carry on walking
"That woman you met at my house, she's not my mom" the words shock me, the last thing I expected him to want to talk about was his mom
"I'm sorry for what I said" he just nods and once again its so gentle that I almost miss it.
"You said that already"
"I know but..."
"Taylor, I don't know if you noticed this or not but we aren't exactly the Brady Bunch, there's no white picket fence around my home and there's no mother waiting with dinner ready after school"
My heart breaks for him, my eyes fill with tears at the weight of his words, here's me with my perfect family throwing something like that in his face. I can't help but press my cheek to his chest as we walk and I notice him tighten his grip on my shoulder
"Where is your mom? Oh God, she's not..." I clutch a hand over my mouth realising what I just asked
"No, no she's not dead"
I breathe a sigh of relief but Travis doesn't continue and I take that as my cue to leave that conversation well alone.
"So what about you? I take it you have the mom and dad, the dog, the white picket fence..."
"And a brother, can't forget him" I mean it as half hearted attempt at a joke but I feel his body slightly deflate beside me, when I'm brave enough to look up I notice his eyes are fixed on the sidewalk.
"Travis I'm sorry..."
"I have a sister "
"You do?!" I don't know why the fact surprises me so much
"Yeah, 14 years old. She's with my mom though, I haven't seen her in years" again my heart creaks and groans for him. Stuck in that trash heap of a house with two drunks, no one to take care of him whilst his mom and sister are God knows where living their lives without him.
I don't know what I'm thinking or who i think I can be to him but I make a promise to myself, right there in the street on a cool spring night that I'm not going to be another person to abuse or abandon him. I'm going to be there for Travis, whether he wants it or not.
*****************
I don't know why I'm saying these things to her all I know is I don't seem to be able to stop.
Maybe it's the alcohol or maybe it's the adrenaline from the fight earlier on but all I know is we have been walking for 15 minutes and I still have my arm around her and she hasn't pulled away and I have told her more about my life than I have anyone else in my 18 years of life.
She's different, she doesn't want my attention or my body she seems content to just have my presence and if there's one thing no one has ever wanted from me before it was for me to be around.
"What happened to your face?" She asks of the cuts and bruises that are finally beginning to fade and I suddenly feel self conscious about the way I must look to her and that's a feeling I'm not used to at all.
"There were some guys..." I begin to tell her the same lie I told the guys at school but then I stop and look to my side where she's gazing up at me, her eyes huge and Interested so I decide to let the mask drop once more for her. "My dad"
"Oh Travis!" She gasps and suddenly takes my hand in hers. Her skin is soft and she's so small compared to me it's almost like holding a child's hand but her grip is firm as she finally stops walking. "Why don't you leave that place? You're 18 now you're and adult" but I just shake my head
"You wouldn't understand so please, don't ask me to explain. Your life it perfect and safe, with people that care for you and protect you. You could never understand what it's like for somebody like me"
" But I want to. I want to help you Travis" she squeezes my hand and then places her palm to my chest whilst her gaze moves to my mouth.
She's silently asking me to kiss her, to pick up where we left off at the bike shed and although my body wants me to, my mind is telling me not to do it. Something is happening here but I can't let it. I'm the last fucking thing this girl needs so I carefully kiss her forehead and whisper my thanks against her skin before dropping her hand and placing mine into my jean pockets.
As I begin walking away it takes her a second but then she catches up to me and we make the rest of the journey to her house in silence. The air between us thick with unspoken words and a want we are both desperate to act upon, both of us afraid to be the one to break first and give into what ever this is that's building between us.
