What the actual fuck?!
I look down at where Taylor is sprawled on the floor, her tiny skirt just about revealing her panties, her crop top just about revealing her bra. Her hair which looks like it had been tied in a ponytail is a complete mess and her eye makeup is smudged as she cries hopelessly into the ground
"Brian! Give me your shirt!" He passes me his red and black plaid shirt immediately "what the fuck are you all looking at?!" I bark at the crowd of onlookers and they quickly scuttle away like ants leaving a picnic
"I'm sorry" Taylor cries for the hundredth time since I walked in and I take her hands in mine and manage to sit her up enough that I can put the shirt around her shoulders to protect her modesty
"It's okay just stop crying"
"I can't!" She cries louder and wraps her arms around my waist
"She was fine" Brian informs me quietly "Then one of the college guys said something and she just lost it"
"He called me Tay Tay Travis! Mr. Quinn called me Tay Tay!"
I hold her tightly looking between Connor and Brian and then finally I look at Brit and her eyes are trained on the ground, her chin quivering in a way that tells me she's close to tears too
"Okay, come on let's get you out of here" I scoop my arms behind her knees and lift her up before carrying her bridal style out of the party, past all the drunk and high kids and I wonder what I ever saw in coming here and doing this shit.
We leave the house and I walk to my car, placing Taylor gently into the passenger side and fastening her seatbelt and then I take some time to compose myself before taking my own seat and pulling the car away.
We drive in silence until we arrive at our destination, a parking spot on the cliffs that over look the coast.
I look to Taylor and she looks tiny, so frail, her eyes are red and swollen as are her lips as she holds Brian's shirt closed around her
"Are you mad?" She suddenly asks
"No"
"I just wanted to get dressed and look nice and feel nice but I didn't I felt horrible so I drank some of the vodka I bought and I felt warm and then I drank more and I felt sexy and excited and then I drank more and for some reason Noltes party seemed like a great idea I don't know why I went"
"What's going on Taylor?" I stare out the wind shield as I ask, unable to look at her when she's sobbing so hard, the emotion stirring something inside me that makes me want to hit something but that won't help Taylor so I reach over and take her hand in mine and just wait for her to speak
"I'm a fuck up Travis. I'm fucking everything up"
"Well I don't agree but go ahead"
"Do you know what it's like to look in the mirror and hate everything that you see?"
I nod, I know that feeling way too well, I have walked with it for every second on my life that I can remember but the thought that Taylor might feel that way about her self causes my stomach to shrink and my eyelids to drop shut
"I'm everything that I hate Trav, I'm too short and too fat and my teeth are so crooked"
I turn to look at her in shock, unable to believe the words that are coming out of her mouth
"Are you kidding me?!" I can't help the shock that coats my voice "you are the most beautiful fuckin thing I have ever seen in my life" I take her face in my hands and force her to make eye contact with me "Tell me this is just the alcohol talking"
"I have got myself in so much trouble Travis"
"Tell me about it, whatever it is I will fix it for you"
"What about me? Can you fix me?" She pulls herself away from my grip and sits staring out of the passenger side window
"Taylor... whatever it is. Talk to me, let me know, I can help you, I can help to fix you the way you're fixing me, the way you're putting all my broken pieces back together, let me do the same for you" I reach out a hand and touch her shoulder but she doesn't respond so I lean over and move her hair so that I can see her face. She's sleeping.
My beautiful girl...
'Do you know what it's like to look in the mirror and hate everything you see?
I have got myself in so much trouble
Can you fix me?'
I stroke her hair and then her cheek and questions pummel my brain
Why did she take the money?
Why did she turn up wasted to a house party?
Why is she talking about hating herself?
And why the fuck hasn't she spoken to me about any of this?
I haven't had a girlfriend before, I don't know how to deal with any of this but one thing's for sure I will deal with it because Taylor isn't going through this alone.
She saw me when no one else did
Loved me when I wasn't sure it was possible for anyone to love me
Made me feel everything when I didn't think I was capable of feeling anything
She was every single thing that I never knew I needed and no matter what I have to do I'm going to prove I can be all those things for her
